The Rulebook
by IncessantOblivion
Summary: Interlude 2 - Enter: The Rulebook, composed by one Yamanaka Ino…and how it just does not seem to work when it comes to the most important conquest of all. Enter: Naru Shikamaru, to whom these rules do not seem to apply. Enter: One big problem.
1. Motive

**A/N: Welcome to the second Interlude! I'm pretty excited to be starting this because that means I'm getting closer and closer to finally starting A Shadow in the Darkness! Now, just to warn you guys, this Interlude won't be as long and as intense as Neji and Tenten's Interlude. It is more of a light story, one in which there is only a resolution. It is meant to be funny, romantic, somewhat emotional, and, hopefully, a good read. The chapters won't be as long and the storyline won't be as developed. I'm hoping to stick to five chapters. I just don't have the time or energy to go on a deep emotional, intense journey like I did with Exceptions but I'd never planned to for that one, either. It'd just happened, but it was probably inevitable as Neji and Tenten are my second-favorite pairing. Ino and Shikamaru are probably fourth down the line, so therefore I don't care as much. **

**An another warning, or more like an apology (I make a lot of those), this fic will be not be updated regularly. I will be writing it when I have a spare moment, and maybe not even then. I am in the middle of my uni semester and am actually being kind of naughty by writing this at all because I'm meant to be doing an essay! I just thought I'd warn you in advance!**

**Anyway, I hope you like reading this all the same! **

**Enjoy!**

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**Prologue**

_The Rulebook – The Infallible Guide to the Art of Seduction as According to Yamanaka Ino_

Composed by Yamanaka Ino

Introduction: Seduction is an ancient art, explored by mankind since the beginning of existence, constructed into a lethal weapon by the founding fathers and mothers of shinobi. This _Rulebook_ will allow the reader to understand and utilize this powerful art in accordance to his or her own noble pursuits by outlining a set of rules. Follow these rules, and your conquest will be made.

_The Rulebook_ will begin by outlining the Infallible Plan of Action. The IPA forms the basis of a seduction, one that the remainder of _The Rulebook_ will explore.

_One:_ Motive – Determine your objective and the means to which this objective can be achieved.

_Two:_ Assess– An understanding of the situation in which you are placing yourself will show you what action you must take to obtain your objective. This assessment of the situation must include a detailed assessment of your subject.

_Three:_ Prepare – A prepared seduction is a successful seduction. An adequate assessment will provide you with the knowledge of what you need to accomplish. Preparation will include areas such as appearance.

_Four:_ Execution – If you have prepared well, your execution will proceed smoothly, though one must possess the ability to adapt to any unforseen situations.

_Five:_ Resolution – Once you have achieved your objective through the execution, get the hell out. Emotional attachment will get you nothing but a broken heart. Remain objective.

Follow these steps and success is guaranteed!

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**One: Motive**

_Determine your objective and the means to which this objective can be achieved._

Ino had a problem - one, big problem. This problem was bigger than any problem she had ever encountered before. That was saying something. She always encountered problems.

The problem was sitting right in front of her at that very moment. The problem was yawning. The problem had spiky hair, coal-black eyes and a smile that could stop her heart the rare occasions she witnessed it. The problem was Naru Shikamaru.

Even the fact that _Shikamaru_ was the problem was a problem that just added to the whole problem of the problem being Shikamaru. Shikamaru was, well, he was _Shikamaru_. She'd known him since she was born, he only one day before her. Their fathers had been on the same genin team. Their mothers had been pregnant with them together. They'd bathed together as five-year-olds to preserve precious water (and their mothers thought it was _just adorable_). She'd groaned when she'd discovered they were on the same team (the fact that Forehead got to go with Sasuke didn't help) and, five years later, they were still on the same damn team. She'd been unable to escape his presence her whole life. He'd been the lazy, unmotivated, insufferably intelligent douche bag she'd just wanted to disappear and now he was the lazy, unmotivated, insufferably intelligent douche bag she was in love with.

_Definitely_ a problem.

Not only would this love mean fulfilling a life-long dream her parents had (she hated pleasing her parents), it meant a life of misery because he didn't love her back.

Ino sighed as she pushed her food around her plate, seriously regretting the promise she'd made Sakura that short month ago. That conniving bitch had forced her into promising that she'd have Shikamaru by the time she returned from her mission. Of course if Forehead challenged her she had to accept, otherwise that meant defeat. Forfeiting meant defeat. Failing definitely meant defeat. Defeat was unacceptable. That meant she had just less than two months to achieve the impossible – make Shikamaru fall in love with her.

This was impossible because it was Shikamaru. It was only in the past six months that she herself had come to the realization that she was in love with him. The two years before that she'd been fighting the attraction and refusing to admit to herself that she loved him. The past six months had been spent lamenting her heart's unfortunate choice of a lover and coming to terms with that knowledge. If it had taken her that long to give into nature, how long would it take Shikamaru? He was the absolute laziest person she knew. He probably couldn't even be _bothered_ falling in love. Love meant work. Shikamaru didn't do work. What accomplishments he did make were due to his incredible mind. Sure, once he had ample motivation to accomplish something, he'd almost obsess about it, but so far the only things she'd seen that had reduced him to that state were board games and strategist assignments. Love came under neither.

But Sakura hadn't actually said that Shikamaru had to be _in love_ with her by the time she got back. She'd just said that she had to have him on a leash.

A slow smile made its way onto Ino's face as the wheels turn behind her bright, blue eyes.

Shikamaru didn't have to be in love with her, he just had to be attracted to her. She just had to have some form of sexual control over him. The only way to accomplish that was through seduction.

The smile grew.

She couldn't have been given a more challenging subject.

---

It was a peaceful day. Most days were in Konoha in the spring. That was nice. It meant lots of long, lazy afternoons avoiding assignments and cloud gazing – at the same time, if possible. It was the kind of day when you woke up no earlier than ten, the sun had warmed up your room for you, your shower didn't run out of hot water and, well, just the kind of day when nothing was supposed to go wrong.

It had.

Why? Ino – the bane of his existence – had walked into it, that's why. Why was Ino the bane of his existence? He was in love with her, that's why. Why was that a problem? She didn't love him back, that's why. She never would. It didn't take an IQ of over 200 to figure out that she was way out of his league. She was on a level so high above him that it hurt his eyes to try to look up that far.

How bothersome. It just figured that he would have to fall in love with the one girl who would never love him back. His mother (the other bane of his existence for entirely different reasons) always said that no one would ever love him if he didn't stop being such a lazy ass. He agreed wholeheartedly (it was wise to with her). If no one could love him, Ino was the biggest no one.

He sighed.

That didn't even make sense, but the point was there was no chance in hell that Ino would ever fall for him. She'd hated him when they were five and she'd hated him all the way up until they were eighteen. Sure, they were comrades now, friends even, but that made it even worse. If she just hated him there was a one in five hundred thousandth chance that she would succumb to his (lack of) charm, just like in one of those bothersome romance novels. He'd done the math. He was good at math. But friends? Friends falling in love was an even smaller chance. Why? Friends were friends because no sexual attraction existed between them whatsoever. With the absence of sexual attraction, people were their ugly selves, with all faults and irritations open for display. So when the worst happened and sexual attraction – and more – did develop, it was impossible to overcome the bad labels you had placed on yourself as their friend, the little annoying traits of your character that could have otherwise been overlooked and tolerated had you been in love with each other from the start. He and Ino were _childhood_ friends. Amplify those poor odds by another thousand or so and that would be getting closer to the extent of his problem.

Sure, it was probably possible to overcome all those little character faults and start acting like someone somebody could fall in love with, but why bother when Ino already knew every little thing about him? All she'd do is laugh at him and ask him why on earth he was acting like a civilized human after eighteen years of being nothing but an undesirable bum. The chances of that happening were far greater than the chances of her suddenly falling head-over-heels for the new-and-improved Shikamaru…and the new-and-improved Shikamaru probably wouldn't be much better than the other one because he had a long way to go.

"Come to lunch, Shikamaru," She had said, like it wouldn't be torture for him to sit there and watch her, knowing the whole time that he could never have her.

Of course he refused to go. Why bother putting himself through torture when it was avoidable? He was put through enough torture just be being on the same team.

But then she'd put her hands on her hips in _that_ way and tilted her head in _that_ way and pouted her lips in _that_ way, distinctive only to her, and how could he still say no? Besides, those were the physical signs that preceded a verbal beating and God only knew he got enough of that from his mother.

So there he was eating lunch with Ino and Chouji, suffering needlessly, all because of Ino.

He looked across the table at her. She was resting her chin on her palm, her elbow on the table, eyes set on something beyond the window. The index finger of her other hand twirled a long strand of her blonde hair at the end of her ponytail. His heart jumped at the sight of her. It was amazing. He'd viewed this scene too many time to count and yet it still impacted him in this way. His chest couldn't help but contract when she smiled, it never grew old.

Yes, she was the bane of his existence, but she was also the light of it. Though seeing her constantly and knowing even more constantly that he would never have her, it was better than not being around her at all – not seeing her at all.

It was absolutely pathetic. He couldn't _believe_ he'd sunk so low.

_How bothersome._

Then he noticed the small, almost inscrutable smile that played on the edge of the lips that taunted him so. He knew that smile.

_Damn._

She was scheming again. Hell, she was always scheming, but that smile meant she was _scheming_. That meant she wanted something and she would stop at nothing to get it. That meant it was about a guy, because guys were the only things that could get her to put that much single-minded effort into anything other than her appearance. That meant more torture for him.

He sighed in resignation, ignoring the knowing look Chouji gave him. Chouji was his best friend and they knew everything about each other. Everything. He hadn't even had to tell Chouji he was in love with Ino - he'd guessed with one look. So bothersome. Usually he was completely inscrutable – he'd perfected his bored expression through years of being bored – and it was annoying that there was someone who could read him.

"She's scheming again, huh?" Chouji commented unnecessarily. He knew Shikamaru knew that Ino was scheming – he just wanted to rub salt in the wound.

_What a great mate._

He sighed again, "Guess so."

Chouji shoved another mouthful of food in his mouth and talked through it, "How long has it been since the last major scheme?"

This question made him pause. How long _had_ it been? For a while there, maybe two or three years ago, it was a never-ending stream of schemes resulting in a never-ending stream of losers, but now that he thought about it, it'd been uncharacteristically quiet lately. There were no hangers-on bugging Ino for a date, no bozos ordering her to their house, no drunk bastards trying to feel her up. No conquests.

"It's been a while," he replied.

Chouji swallowed, "You're right, man. 'Bout six months at least. Wonder why."

Shikamaru shrugged nonchalantly, "Dunno. Maybe Konoha's run out of men."

Chouji grinned, "She'll have to start on the next generation, I suppose."

Then Shikamaru grinned, "Younger or older?"

Chouji considered this, "Well…the older will have more experience under their belts – literally – and they'd be sure to give her a good time, but they may be more of a challenge to catch."

Shikamaru considered this as well, "She _has_ always like a challenge…"

"True," Chouji countered, "but then she may want a little confidence-booster. It _has_ been a while. Maybe she's out of her game a little. Maybe she needs a quick pick-me-up. You know, someone young and inexperienced who is sure to think she's some kind of goddess, gracing them with her attention and prolific experience. Someone impressionable. Someone who'll let her be the top dog."

Shikamaru considered this too, "She _does_ like to be the top dog."

"Literally."

Then they burst out laughing. This was why Chouji was his best friend. He could make him laugh about something that would otherwise be absolutely killing him to witness. The humour helped alleviate the pain. If it weren't for Chouji, he never would have survived this long. He would've been long gone – another team, hell…another damn city.

Ino glared at them, "You do realize I am right here."

Shikamaru smiled ruefully, "It would be impossible for me not to."

Of course she didn't understand the implication of his words. She never did; never would.

---

Ino decided to ignore the two idiots sitting across from her. Let them joke; let them laugh. It wasn't like she wasn't used to it already. She didn't care.

Okay, well maybe she did.

She knew what people thought of her. She was Ino, the Slut. Capital S for big. Subtle implication. Some people were even nice enough to call her the Seduction Mistress. It almost made her sound classy. It would be classy were it not followed by illicit grins and snickers behind hands.

Obviously she had no one to blame but herself for this. She'd cultivated her image and she'd cultivated it well. After all, it was better to be labelled something derogatory than nothing at all.

The label she didn't mind from people who didn't know a damn thing about her – random people that were jealous of her success and infamy. They all wanted to be sluts too, they just didn't have the courage - the balls - to live with the title and everything that came with it. Why shouldn't she do what she pleased? She was a free woman (no pun intended) and she'd be damned if she lived her life according to what people dictated she should be – the stereotypical kunoichi, strong, courageous, fierce, but lovely, graceful and honourable. Big yawn. Sure, it was great that gals like that existed, but she just wasn't cut out for that kind of life. Expectation, expectation. Please. She could do without it. Sure, people expected her to be a slut, but if no one can escape expectation then better to live under an expectation of your own making – making people think what you wanted them to.

That was her secret. She made people think what she wanted them to. The truth…well, the truth was an entirely different story.

The truth was annoying because she had no control over it. The truth simply _was_ and nothing she could do could change it. So the truth had been her dirty little secret for years and she was suffering under the weight of it.

It was all good and well when people who didn't even know her thought she was a slut, but it began to sting when the people who she thought knew her did too. What stung the most was that this was all her own doing. She was Ino – independent, impenetrable – and suddenly she was feeling a little vulnerable, a little exposed, and she didn't like it.

She was vulnerable because suddenly she wanted her friends to be able to see her – the real her – which was an impossible thing to ask because she had never shown them the real her. How the hell were they supposed to know what was and what wasn't?

But after years of pretending to be something she was not, or at least exaggerating existing characteristics, she was falling under the strain of oppression. Her own oppression, yes, but oppression nonetheless and she was a free woman. She wanted to be, anyway.

Maybe this was what had made her fall for Shikamaru. When she tried to define 'free' she thought of Shikamaru. He lived under no one's standards or expectations. He'd always done what he wanted. Even when he was labelled a genius and everyone expected that he'd do wonderful things for Konoha, he didn't bend under it and did nothing – a subtle protest.

Some, no, many considered that kind of behaviour irresponsible and dishonourable and immature. The given shinobi philosophy was use what you've been given for the benefit of the village. If you've been given it that means you have to use it, no arguments, damnit. Give all of yourself in the service of the village and if you die, you will die an honourable death. Sacrifice, honour, sacrifice, honour. It was all the same.

Kudos to all the shinobi who managed to thrive under that stifling weight, but Shikamaru wasn't one of them. His philosophy was it is meaningless to do something that holds no significance for you. It is one thing to be honourable to your village, but what about being honourable to yourself? Is that not more important? Why sacrifice yourself for something you don't even know you believe in? He'd always been a smart boy.

So when people rolled their eyes at his laziness and unwillingness to work hard like a good little shinobi, Ino felt like smashing their faces in. In her eyes, it took a man to be able to be true to themselves. He'd never been anything but and she envied and loved him for it.

And honestly, she wouldn't care if everyone else in existence thought she was the single biggest slut in existence as long as Shikamaru knew who she was. But she was afraid he wouldn't like who she really was. She didn't know if _she_ liked herself.

Ino rolled her eyes at herself. Since when had she become so bloody emotional and vulnerable and downright philosophical? It didn't suit her _at all_. She preferred the practical things, she preferred _doing_ something.

She rolled her eyes again. No wonder everyone thought she was a massive slut. Well, she hadn't gotten that reputation for nothing. As Chouji and Shikamaru had so tactfully been saying, she was a man-eater. She was Konoha's biggest man-eater. She was a goddamn machine.

She could _do_ this.

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**A/N: Please let me know what you think of the first chapter and give me suggestions!**


	2. Assess

**A/N: So THIS took a ridiculously long time! My apologies for that. I won't bother spouting out any excuses because they're all crap anyway. But I CAN give any avid readers of mine some decent news at least:**

**I'm back! I can't say for sure how long I'll be back, but I'll get as much done while I am. I've had a recent surge of interest in anime, manga and fanfiction in general after a dry spell that probably lasted over a year so be expecting a lot more from me! I'm determined to finish what I started with A Whisper in the Night.**

**So without further delay...**

**Enjoy the chapter that was far too long in coming!**

**

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**Two: Assess**

_An understanding of the situation in which you are placing yourself will show you what action you must take to obtain your objective. This assessment of the situation must include a detailed assessment of your subject._

She'd stumbled upon a roadblock, a rather large, unyielding sort of roadblock. She hated those kinds. They were the most difficult to move. You couldn't use force because the damn thing wouldn't budge; it was just that damn big. You couldn't reason with the damn thing; it was just that damn stubborn. No, no. You had to be sneaky, real damn sneaky. It was a good thing she, Yamanaka Ino, was real damn sneaky.

Her roadblock was thus: According to her own _Infallible Plan of Action_ – which had, so far, been infallible – the next step following _Motive_ was _Assess_, but she couldn't bloody well assess if there was nothing to assess!

Assessment of the situation usually included observing the target, his likes and dislikes, every little facet of information that made up his character. She needed to know it all.

Well, Shikamaru was her target. She already knew it all.

Some other, naïve, inexperienced, amateur seducer may think this a blessing from the gods. No, no. So wrong. This was a curse! _Why_, they may ask, _surely this means less work and a higher chance of success_. Well, they were forgetting one very important detail; that detail being Shikamaru knew her as well as she knew him. He knew everything about her – everything she let him see, anyway, which was more than enough for him to not be attracted to it.

Usually she would change herself when in the midst of preparing for a seduction. She was a chameleon. She was a goddamn actress. Were this any other normal seduction, she'd do the same thing. Change. Thing was, Shikamaru would notice that change. It wasn't a proper seduction if the target knew it was coming. That would give them time to prepare themselves against it. Surprise was the key. Besides, if she gave Shikamaru any indicator that she was trying to seduce him, that logical little brain of his would start working and he'd figure out she loved him, because why else would she want to seduce him?

She was a very straightforward person about her feelings, but she wasn't a fool. Why tell a guy you were in love with him when it was obviously unrequited? All you'd be setting yourself up for is bitter rejection and a fractured friendship. Pointless. So therefore, Shikamaru couldn't know what she was up to and he would know what she was up to if she changed herself into what he liked, which made the seduction very difficult if she couldn't change herself into what he liked because being herself hadn't done a damn thing so far.

And, now that she was actually thinking about it, she didn't even know what sort of girl Shikamaru preferred. Maybe she didn't know every little thing about him after all, but she was sure he had a type. _Every_ guy had a type, no matter how stupid or lazy or homosexual they were. Yes, Shikamaru definitely had a type, she'd just never cared what it was before so she'd stupidly never paid attention to any of Shikamaru and Chouji's man-talk sessions to which she was always exposed. No, she'd been too busy thinking about _other_ guys' types. Even when she'd figured herself in love with him she'd never paid attention because she'd always known his type wasn't her.

If she had to take a guess, she'd have to say that his type would be the complete opposite of his mother. He loved his mother, but she annoyed the hell out of him. She was, as he so aptly put it, troublesome. She was a nag and bossy as hell. His father didn't seem to mind, but Shikamaru hated being told what to do, no matter how passive his resistance (or complete lack of it), so why would he be interested in someone similar?

Unfortunately, that was exactly what she was. She constantly bossed him around and she was a complete control-freak and a total nag. She knew it, but hadn't cared until this point because, well, what difference did it make anyway? This was part of the reason she knew he could never love her, not like she loved him. He wouldn't be able to last a week alone with her. As it was, he barely seemed to survive with her in their team at all. He always seemed to avoid spending time alone with her. He was better if Chouji was with them, like he was the buffer or something. She'd never cared before either because if Chouji wasn't there, Shikamaru was basically completely unresponsive and that pissed her off to no end and then she became that nagging, bossy bitch he so desperately avoided.

Why did she love him again?

Oh, that's right. Because even though she knew he probably couldn't bear her presence, he never said so and always attempted to pretend like that wasn't the case. Even though he acted like a complete bum and professed to be too lazy to even lift a finger to go to someone's aid, he protected her body without hesitation or complaint when she decided to go probe someone's head. Even though he avoided her like a plague, he'd come as soon as she said she needed him.

There was this one time, when her father hadn't done so well in a mission. He was stuck in the hospital, in pretty bad shape. Chouji had been off on one of his family missions and Sakura had been in the operating room with her mother and she'd felt more alone and vulnerable and sick than ever before. She'd just needed someone to be there. So she had, as a last resort, called Shikamaru. He was the last resort because she didn't think he'd care enough to come, especially at three in the morning.

He'd been there in five minutes.

He hadn't even talked; he wasn't the type to bother with unnecessary pleasantries like "How are you doing?" or "Are you okay?" No, he'd simply taken the chair beside her, wrapped an arm around her shoulders and had allowed her to cry on his chest for the rest of the night. Her heart still thudded painfully at the memory. That was when it had all started for her.

That was why she loved him, because she saw the real him and she was so desperate for him to see the real her, but she wasn't quite sure how to do it.

She wasn't quite sure how seduction would help, but it hardly mattered. She could focus on the love bit later, once she had him on a leash and triumph over Sakura had been achieved.

And she was back to square one. No solution to her little predicament had yet to magically unveil itself before her.

Well, while her brain searched for that elusive solution, she might as well do a little something in the meantime. As she'd previously established, she didn't know Shikamaru's type. Once she'd determined his type, she could focus on getting around the big-ass roadblock.

She smiled to herself. Many a young, impressionable kunoichi she had taught marvelled at her ability to ascertain such solid information on her targets. _How_, they asked with wide eyes, _how did you figure out _why_ he doesn't like blondes by observation alone, not just that he doesn't?_ At this point, she usually smirked knowingly, revelling in power, and coyly replied that it was a trade secret only the best of the best could know and wield. It was completely true. Only the best of the best could wield this trade secret. She was, after all, the best of the best.

Never, when her father had sat her down as a little tyke and told her of her shinobi family heritage and the technique only they could utilize, did she think that it would be such a vital part of her seduction technique. How did she assess the situation – the subject – so well? Why, through her Mind-Transfer Jutsu, of course!

The Mind-Transfer Jutsu was practically useless in a battle unless she was (now somewhat ironically) with Shikamaru, but it was ideal for spying and spy she did! Originally, she'd only been able to perform the jutsu when the target was directly in front of her and then only for a couple of minutes. Pointless for the kind of in-depth spying she wanted to do. So, over years of perfecting her technique (as all good shinobi did), she could now not only project her spirit within a ten-metre radius, but also inhabit the host body for up to two hours. That was plenty of time to get into an in-depth conversation with her subject at a bar when he was half-drunk.

Men told things to other men that they would never even consider telling a female and they told even more when they were intoxicated. This is how she got all the gritty material, the material she used to carry out an amazing seduction. She was the best and this technique allowed her to be just that. She'd always be the best because no other kunoichi could use it. Power? Hell yeah!

Now she just had to think of a person to project her spirit into. Usually she'd wait until her subject went to a bar and got somewhat drunk. Then she'd choose some random dude to do her bidding, so to speak. When a guy was drunk, he didn't think about whether or not he knew the guy he was telling all his secrets to. He just told them. It all came down to a matter of knowing what to say. She _always_ knew what to say.

The problem here was that Shikamaru never got drunk and even if he did, he probably wouldn't spout out all his innermost secrets to a random stranger. If he ever got drunk, he'd probably pass out immediately. He was just that kind of guy, unfortunately. Shikamaru would only get into a conversation with someone he liked or, at the very least, was somewhat acquainted with. That meant she had to use her jutsu on someone both she and Shikamaru knew in order for her to be convincing. Someone very straightforward and persistent so she could get in and get out within two hours with all the information she needed. Hard, but not impossible.

Usually she'd make a beeline for Naruto. He was stupid enough to fall under the jutsu, persistent enough for Shikamaru not to be suspicious of his sudden questions, Shikamaru knew him best next to Chouji, and it wouldn't be hard at all to pretend to be him. However, there were two things that prevented her from choosing him. One: he wasn't in the village. He'd gone on that long mission with Sakura. Two: the Kyuubi. As far as she could tell, the Kyuubi existed within Naruto's conscience, trapped within some sort of cage. She did not want to encounter that thing, just like she'd encountered Sakura's Inner Self so many years before.

The guy Shikamaru knew best after Naruto would probably be Kiba. He was like Naruto – stupid, persistent and oblivious. Too bad for Akamaru, who would know it wasn't his master immediately. The smell would be the same, but she wouldn't be able to treat Akamaru the same (she wouldn't _want_ to). They had a spiritual connection and Akamaru would sense the severance of that. Besides, she absolutely hated big dogs.

After that would be Shino. No further comment necessary.

After that would be Neji. Too smart. _Way_ too smart. And intimidating.

After that would be…oh God. Lee.

Ino groaned aloud. Did she really have to project herself into that little piece of insignificant fungus? All she really knew about Lee was that he had the worst fashion sense in the world, the worst haircut in the world, was (for some reason) in love with Sakura, idolised Gai (for some reason), and was probably the most annoying creature in existence. Shikamaru thought the same, which was why he had never become close to him. Yet, despite all this, he was her last and only option.

She groaned again. Not only didn't this significantly lower her chances of success, she would also have to prance around like a complete idiot for two hours. God only knew her spirit would probably run straight back to her own body in horror at the thought of inhibiting such a body in possession of such a suit and such a haircut. Knowing that that would be her appearance for even two minutes rebelled violently against every part of her being.

She sighed in resignation.

But she'd just have to suck it up because it was, after all, an important part of securing the heart – or, at the very least, the lust – of the man she loved.

* * *

Her target was in sight. She'd been waiting two whole damn days to find him alone. Her observation thus far had lead her to the conclusion that Lee was never alone, which was a bit of a surprise because she thought he'd be the one person everyone would steer clear of (_she_ always did).

Well, she hadn't counted on Gai, Lee's ever-so-faithful sensei. Gai and Lee were like Siamese twins. They were like goddamn glue. Gai was a light and Lee was a goddamn mosquito. The only time of day they were ever apart was probably at night, and even that was debatable!

While Lee was stupid enough to fall for her jutsu, Gai was not. He just chose to act stupid for some unknown reason. If she started making the jutsu Gai would notice immediately. Sure, she was able to project her spirit within a ten-metre radius, even if someone was trying to dodge it. Her spirit just chased them. But Lee was fast, like, really, _really_ fast. There was no _way_ her spirit could keep up with that.

The last time she'd tried to chase someone too fast for her, she'd ended up in a tree for two hours. A _tree_! When she projected her spirit out of her body that was it. It wouldn't return again for another two hours. She'd yet to overcome this little drawback. As it was, she just made sure her body was stashed somewhere really safe. If she convinced Shikamaru that it was for a mission, he'd stash it in his parent's living room as they were well accustomed to her jutsu through her Dad. The one time she'd asked Chouji to watch it, he'd left her at a restaurant, like a forgotten handbag, and when she woke up she'd been stuck with a bill so steep it was practically a vertical drop so obviously she'd never asked _him_ again.

This time, she couldn't ask Shikamaru to stash it because then he'd know what she was up to. He knew she had no missions lined up for a bit because she'd just finished training Tenten how to seduce a man and she always took a three-week break after such an intense crash course in seduction (especially when the trainee was as hopeless as Tenten). If Shikamaru knew what she was up to, that all-important element of surprise no longer existed.

But if she did indeed have to leave her body vulnerable, she could only hope that if someone stumbled upon it they'd just think she was sleeping. Once someone had thought she was unconscious and taken her to the hospital, which wasn't so bad because it was safe there after all. Fortunately, Forehead had been on duty and knew what was up immediately. But Konoha was a relatively peaceful place. She hardly thought anyone was going to inflict deliberate harm onto her most precious self.

If she could, she'd invite her target up to her room (under false pretences) and do it there, but sometimes life just didn't pan out that way. Sometimes she just had to do it in the open, vulnerable air.

She couldn't invite Lee to her room simply because she didn't want to blemish her reputation is such a manner. Everyone knew there was only one reason she ever invited any guy (besides Shikamaru or Chouji) to her room. She would never live it down if someone happened to see her invite Lee there and no matter how hard she convinced everyone that _nothing_ happened (ew), they still wouldn't let her live it down. Any victory gained over Sakura would be moot at that point because she'd always have _that_ to lord over her instead. Besides, she hardly thought Shikamaru would fall for someone he thought had done it with the 'Green Beast of Konoha.' She didn't want to see Lee's damn beast, thank you very much. So while there was perhaps an 80 percent chance no one would see him enter her sacred domain, she just couldn't risk that 20. No way in hell.

So out in the open it was, which was why she was now following Lee, who was blessedly alone and oblivious.

She didn't know why he was alone, but she didn't much care either. She'd just get in, find Shikamaru, get the information, and get out within two hours. It shouldn't take too long to find Shikamaru because when he was in between missions like herself, he was always in one of four places: his bedroom, at Chouji's place, at Asuma's place, or at his cloud-watching spot. It was around lunchtime so she was willing to bet he wasn't at Chouji's (you never went to Chouji's around major eating times), Asuma wasn't even in Konoha so that left his bedroom and the cloud-watching spot. She knew for a fact that his mother was currently going through her menopause. She knew this for a fact because he'd actually _come_ to training the other day and heard him complain about it to Chouji. That left his cloud-watching spot.

She looked up.

Well, it was pretty damn cloudy, but they didn't look like the nice, fluffy kind of clouds that made cute shapes and all that. They were more like big, angry clouds that made thunder and lightening and rain and all the things she hated (it totally messed up her hair). However, regardless of the state of the clouds she was certain Shikamaru would be watching them anyway.

Suddenly, Lee stepped directly into her line of view. Good. She was tired of crouching behind bushes like a criminal. She got out from behind the brush and checked out her surroundings.

They were in a park – a fairly deserted park. She supposed nobody wanted to chance being caught out in the inevitable downpour. It would have been better if she could pick another time to do this, or, at the very least, another place to stash her body, but she was running on a tight schedule and she'd already waited too long for a chance of catching Lee alone. She'd just have to hope the rain would hold off for another two hours.

Without wasting another second, she made the appropriate signs, focussing all her chakra, and yelled, "Mind-Transfer Jutsu!"

* * *

It was going to rain any second now. That meant he would have to go home. How troublesome. His mother had been unbearable these last few days. He supposed he'd just have to hide in his room until the rain stopped or something.

Mind made up, he stood and began to meander through the familiar route back to his house. He hadn't been walking more than two minutes when started pouring.

He sighed, _Figures._

Of course the weather couldn't have waited another five minutes for him to get home.

He slumped in defeat and kept walking. He was already drenched now so there was no point in rushing. Wet was wet, and he was wet.

It looked kind of nice, anyway. He'd gotten to the park and the rain was making everything look really green – the trees, the grass, the plants. They were just, well, really green.

_As a pose to them, what? Being blue?_

He snorted and rain rushed up his nostrils, causing him to choke.

He sighed again, _Figures_.

Even when it was pouring with rain and everything around him was green he still couldn't help but think of Ino. Blue was, and had always been, the colour he'd associated with her. Not only did she constantly wear blue, her eyes…those eyes…

_How troublesome._

He was going to start thinking about her again, wasn't he? Once he started it was almost impossible to stop. It was at those times he sought out Chouji or Asuma to provide some sort of distraction for it. Chouji just talked aimlessly about aimless things whereas Asuma engaged him in some strategic board game or gave him some strategic assignment.

But Chouji was at lunch (never a good time to engage him in conversation), Asuma was on a solo mission and he was surrounded by nothing but rain and green and time to think about her.

Love was so troublesome. He'd never been in love with anyone else, but it'd been troublesome from the moment he was. That was a long time.

He couldn't even remember how many years ago it was that he fell for her. Three? Four? He remembered the day, though. It was so random. He supposed it'd been building for a while. He'd always get jealous when she fawned over other guys, he was always staring at her, and he'd always wanted to be around her. But that was just _like_, just infatuation.

He knew he was in love when he received a call at three in the morning. Usually if someone called him at that troublesome hour, he wouldn't even bother to answer, no matter who it was. But, for some reason still beyond his calculation, he'd answered. It'd been Ino.

Her father had been in some messed-up mission and was really hurt. He couldn't remember the specifics. All he remembered was that she'd been crying. All he remembered was how that made him feel. He didn't even know if he could put words to it. It was just like everything went strangely calm inside his head and not a thought existed in there – had ever existed in there – except ones to do with her. At that moment he wanted to be everything for her. He wanted to kill the guy who'd made her cry, be the guy who stopped her crying, be the guy who meant enough to her that she would shed those precious tears over him, be the guy who'd never do such a thing.

That feeling resurfaced every time someone broke her heart, every time she got hurt in any way, and every time she smiled. Not that scheming, planning smile. That made him sick because he knew what was coming next. No, he meant _her_ smile, the real one, the one only those closest to him got to see. It was in _that_ smile that her saw her, who she really was. It was _that_ smile that made him love her like he did. She could act how she wanted and do what she pleased, but he'd always see her in that smile and it hadn't disappeared yet. He wouldn't let it.

He rolled his eyes. Yep, love was troublesome, alright, if it could make him –

_Wait…_

He did a double take at the flash of blue that passed through his peripheral vision. He stopped and stared straight ahead. Surely his mind was just playing tricks on him, as it usually did, just because he'd happened to be thinking about her.

But just in case he checked again. There was definitely a spot of blue that stood in overt contrast to the overwhelming green surrounding him.

_But it wouldn't be…_

Right?

He couldn't _not_ double-check.

This was going to lengthen his little walk considerably, but like he'd established, wet was wet.

He gained ten metres and saw a flash of blonde to go with the flash of blue. That was just too coincidental to ignore.

_Ino?_

His heart leapt into his throat as he began to move faster and faster, till he was jogging. With each step he got closer, panic started to rise in his chest. It was most certainly Ino and she was most certainly not moving. She was just lying there, not moving, eyes closed. She wasn't asleep. If she'd just been asleep she'd have woken up when it started raining. It wasn't like Ino to sleep in a park, anyway.

Something had happened to her.

Blood started pumping viciously through his veins, his adrenalin started rearing up, ready to do some damage to whoever had put her in this state.

Then he finally, finally got to her. He collapsed by her side and put his ear against her chest, almost collapsing in relief when he could hear her heart thumping loudly and surely. Knowing she wasn't completely out of danger yet, he ran his hands down her arms, sides and legs, checking for any injuries. He couldn't find any.

The panic started to rise in his throat again as he stared helplessly down at her limp, rain-drenched body.

Was the damage internal? But she was breathing just fine…

Then the wheels of logic finally started clicking into place and moving and rotating and working just how they were supposed to.

Limp…unconscious…unharmed…

Yep, the pieces of the easiest puzzle to ever present itself to him started to fall into place and he almost laughed aloud in a mixture of relief and embarrassment.

She was in the middle of the Mind-Transfer Jutsu, wasn't she? It made sense considering he'd seen her in this state too many times to count when she was in the middle of a seduction attempt, and she was in the middle of a seduction attempt, wasn't she? He'd known her too long not to recognize the signs. There was that tell-tale smile he'd seen at lunch the other day as well.

He sighed as he looked down at the empty body. It was beautiful (especially when the mouth wasn't moving), but it was only that without Ino inside it. It wasn't Ino and he wasn't interested if it wasn't Ino. But she would be coming back to it in two hours or less.

He supposed he could just leave her there. Wet was wet, and she sure as hell was wet. He definitely would if it were anyone else, but something in him revolted at the thought of leaving her there, open, vulnerable.

Expressing his frustration in a low groan, Shikamaru picked her up, bridal style, and starting walking back towards his house, refusing to think of the ironic implications their position allowed.

_It doesn't matter that I'm taking her to my house. She's a teammate, after all. That's not weird. She won't think its weird. She's been there too many times to count!_

He really should relax a bit, he supposed. If she hadn't figured out how he felt about her by now, after three years or so, she wasn't going to figure out now just because he happened to find her empty body and happened to take it back to his house.

He also refused to think of the way her wet body was pressed so intimately against his, transferring warm through the cold wetness the rain so generously provided. He refused to look down at her face because he knew he wouldn't stop if he did.

_It's just her body, not her. Just her body, not her._

But it was still _her_ body.

He groaned in aggravation.

He'd spent years perfecting the art of not staring at her because she'd notice. But now the temptation to do so was so strong because she wasn't there to notice. He could stare to his heart's content (literally), but he knew if he didn't, he'd have to start from scratch when she came back because she'd provide him with a whole new set of expressions he wanted to familiarize himself with.

_I'm so pathetic._

The five-minute walk seemed like five hours and he breathed a sigh of relief when he finally reached his front door. Seeing as his arms were full, he used his foot to knock, hoping his Dad answered the door.

He was in luck.

"Ah," His father stated as soon as he saw the unconscious body in his son's arms.

Shikamaru shrugged, "I found her like this. Would have left her if it wasn't raining."

His dad sighed, "How troublesome."

"Tell me about it."

His dad sighed again, "Well, I suppose you better bring her inside and take her up to your room. Just tread carefully and I'll distract your mother. Judging by the state she's in right now, she might just burst into tears and the sight of Ino unconscious."

Shikamaru shuddered at the thought. His mother crying was never a good thing for either of them.

As soon as his father gave him the all-clear, Shikamaru trudged up the stairs, straining under the deadweight. Unfortunately, as soon as he got to his room he was met with another problem.

_Where am I going to put her?_

He sighed. This was seriously so troublesome. He couldn't put her on the floor because, well, he just couldn't. That same damn _something_ in him wouldn't allow it. He didn't have a couch. The bed was really the only option.

As soon as that thought entered his head, he couldn't find it within himself to put it out again. The pathetic man in him wanted to enjoy the sight of Ino on his bed, even if she was unconscious, because it sure as hell would never happen again.

_Again, I am so pathetic._

His sheets would get wet, but what the hell? They'd dry eventually.

Mind made up, he laid her out on the covers as gently as possibly, not being able to help arranging her limbs and hair so she'd be more comfortable, even though she wouldn't feel it anyway.

He stepped back to admire the view and regretted it instantly as a sharp pang of a kind of hunger he wasn't familiar with ruthlessly stabbed at his body. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to stave away the gnawing ache that had started to work at his stomach. The last time he'd felt this way…no, he couldn't even remember it. He'd banished it from his memory.

In order to function naturally around her, he's somehow trained his body into not reacting as it usually would. Therefore, he didn't blush when she smiled at him, he didn't shiver if her arm brushed his, he didn't groan when she hugged him, he didn't go frantic with worry if she got hurt (not usually, anyway), he didn't get hard when she walked out of her house in barely-there dresses and killer high-heels, and he certainly didn't get aroused at the sight of her unconscious, wet body lying on his bed.

But he was now.

_I am a sick and desperate man._

He needed to get away from there before he became even more depraved and started doing something as hopeless as sketching her image on a pad of paper like a lovesick thirteen-year-old. It didn't matter that it was raining. He'd find somewhere to go, anywhere but there. He wouldn't let himself go back to square one after years of hard work. That'd just be far too troublesome.

He was out the door.

* * *

It just figured that she'd gone through all the trouble to stalk Lee and then all the humiliation to actually go inside his head and it amounted to nothing because she couldn't find Shikamaru. If this was a sign indicating how the rest of her seduction would go, she might as well just give up. She would have if it weren't for her annoying rivalry with Sakura, who would win if she managed to go off and save the whole damn village and she couldn't even pull off one measly seduction!

Resolve strengthened, she straightened her shoulders and resumed trouncing around like a retard. The only benefit she'd received from trailing Lee for two days straight was an in-depth study of the way he moved and acted. It wasn't hard. All she had to do was act as idiotic as possible. The only benefit she received from actually being inside his body was that no one wanted to approach him so she didn't have to pretend to be him anymore than she wanted to. The only people that would possibly ever approach him willingly were Naruto – his level of idiocy frequently matched Lee's anyway, Tenten – she was his teammate and Gai – for reasons she didn't even want to _begin_ to contemplate. Neji would never demean himself as to approach him willingly, she figured.

That was great for her because Naruto wasn't in the village, Tenten was probably too busy freaking out about her seduction mission (she should; she sucked), and Gai…well, he was her only worry. She didn't know where he was and she didn't know when he'd show up. She'd been in Lee for about an hour so far, so she could only hope Gai would hold off for another hour.

And she could only hope that she'd run into Shikamaru within that time too.

If she managed to accomplish all this, all would be well, despite the fact that all the damn rain had undoubtedly drenched her poor body. It really wasn't her day.

* * *

His day really couldn't get any worse. He'd been forced out of his house by a menopausal mother, had his cloud-watching cut short by the rain, had gotten stuck in that rain, had found an unconscious Ino in that rain, had had to carry her back to his house in that rain, been forced to leave his house because of her and go back in that rain, and now Lee was running towards him.

It wasn't that he had anything against Lee. He was nice enough and all that. It was just that he was so…energetic. It was tiring just to watch him. Talking to him wasn't all that much better because he just kept going and going and going…and going. It was never about anything remotely interesting anyway. The worst thing was, he could never get away because he was so persistent he'd just follow him. All he could do was take a deep breath and bear it as best he could.

"Shikamaru! Shikamaru!"

Suppressing a groan, Shikamaru stopped walking and tried to smile at the approached ball of green spandex. Why would _anyone_ want to wear that? If Ino were here, she'd be having a fit right about now.

_Damn, I gotta stop thinking about her!_

"Hey, what's up?"

Lee skidded to a halt in front of him, "I have been valiantly searching for the youthful Gai-sensei to asked advice about the most urgent of situations!"

Hopefully this was all he wanted.

"Sorry, haven't seen him."

Lee shook his head dramatically, "No! You do not understand! This matter is most urgent!"

_What the hell does he expect me to do about it?_

He shrugged, "Haven't seen him."

Suddenly his eyes got very big in a pleading gesture that was too familiar for his liking, but why the hell was Lee using it?

"Then can Shikamaru be so kind to give me this urgent information! It is for a most youthful cause!" Lee implored.

_Why did I think I saw _Lee_ use _Ino's_ big-eye trick? Am I really getting so hopeless that I see her in everything now, even _Lee_?_

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

"That is most excellent, Shikamaru!" Lee cried.

_Crap, now what have I gone and done._

_

* * *

_

It had to be provenance from the gods that she had managed to spot Shikamaru just randomly walking down the street and that the rain had stopped shortly after. What he was doing walking down the street completely drenched and heading in no particular direction she didn't know, but didn't really care if it meant he was bored enough to actually allow himself to be pestered by Lee…or who he thought was Lee, anyway.

He didn't particularly look like he wanted to be there, but mostly everyone looked like that when Lee approached them. Well, at least she was sure _she_ did.

"So…what's the problem?" Shikamaru asked wearily.

She'd had a good long two days and one hour to think about her excuse for asking Shikamaru what she was about to ask him.

"I most urgently need to know what it is guys look for in a girl!" She exclaimed, resisting the urge to immediately bite her lip in anxiety. Would it work?

Well, Shikamaru definitely looked confused as hell.

"What? Why would you want to know that?"

"My dearest comrade, Tenten, is embarking on a most honourable mission in two days! It is a seduction mission, her first one! I fear that my youthful compatriot's lack of knowledge will be her undoing! Therefore, I am assisting her by gathering information about what type of girls youthful men like yourself prefer to prepare her for what is to come!" She suppressed a gasp, having said all that in one breath. She knew that was how Lee talked but had no idea how he managed it. She was simply exhausted.

Shikamaru blinked back at her kind of blankly, like he was trying to process all that information, "But I thought Ino trained her."

It was all she could do not to grin like an idiot in mind-bending pleasure. He'd said that as though because _she_ had helped Tenten there was no way Tenten would need anything more. As though she was good. As though he was almost proud of her.

"Ino did indeed train her remarkably well, but Tenten still finds herself nervous and would greatly appreciate this extra information! So please, Shikamaru, I beg of you – give me the information she so sorely needs!"

So maybe she was laying it on a bit thick, but she figured the more annoying she was the quicker Shikamaru would just cough up the information in order to get rid of Lee.

He sighed, "Alright."

Success.

Something didn't seem quite right about Lee's request. Sure, he could understand that Tenten would be nervous, even after Ino's training. It was possible that she still didn't feel completely prepared because, as Ino had told him, it'd only been a crash-course. She hadn't had time to do it as she usually did. It was also plausible that Lee and Neji couldn't provide Tenten with the information she wanted about guys because he was pretty sure neither of them could be considered real, hot-blooded, hormonal guys who were interested in anything other than progressing in their shinobi art.

The _something_ that wasn't right was Lee himself. Usually there was this…innocence to Lee that permeated everything he did and said; lack of knowledge. Sure, Lee was very smart in his own way, but he wasn't knowledgeable. Not in the world or the way it worked. That lack gave him the ability to be completely naïve and innocent regardless of what happened to him or those around him. It disabled him from ever having an ulterior motive to his actions. Lee was _Lee_ and that was all there was to it.

Now? It was strange. That innocence wasn't there. He could see something working behind his eyes. Usually what Lee said wasn't the result of any prior thinking – he said what first came into his head because he didn't have the ability to manipulate or scheme or anything like that. But at this moment there was conscious thought behind his words and request. It didn't make sense.

He looked back at Lee again and almost gaped at the expression on Lee's face: impatience. That also didn't fit in with his evaluation of Lee's mannerisms. In all his unfortunate memories of the guy, he could never recall seeing him look impatient. It just wasn't logical. Lee would consider any type of prolonged waiting to be a test of his will or something as equally stupid, even if he was in a hurry like he supposedly was now.

The worst thing about it was that something about this situation seemed disturbingly familiar, like he'd felt this way before about someone else, and he couldn't remember what had caused it. Well, the only way to get more information was to keep talking to him.

"Let's see…my type of girl. Well, if we're talking looks…" He paused. He actually hadn't given much thought to what type of girl he preferred because the only girl he'd ever wanted was Ino. Whatever she had was enough for him. But even if it was Lee he was talking to, he couldn't risk describing every single characteristic – physical and otherwise – that Ino had to be every single characteristic he wanted. He didn't think even _Lee_ was that oblivious.

Well, Lee had said that this information was for Tenten, to boost her confidence. Ino was the exact opposite of Tenten in looks and personality (as far as he could tell) so describing Ino would not only give away his closely guarded feelings but would also dishearten Tenten. The safest alternative was simply to describe someone similar to Tenten.

"Physically, I like a girl with dark hair. Black or brown, it doesn't matter. Dark means mysterious, I think," This was complete crap but what the hell? It wasn't like Lee would be able to tell. He was talking about _girls_ after all.

"And I've always thought dark hair contrasted nicely with pale skin. Makes a girl look like fragile and breakable, like I need to protect her," Also crap. He preferred a girl he knew could take care of herself, like Ino, so he wouldn't have to be bothered doing it.

"Brown eyes are nice, too. Darker the better," A complete opposite to Ino's clear, blue ones that drove him crazy.

He paused, trying to draw on what little else he knew of Tenten, "And…um…a curvy figure is good. Gives a man a little something extra to hold on to." Ino had a voluptuous figure as well, but he figured one little similarity wouldn't hurt much.

"And personality?" Lee asked in a surprisingly cold voice, a tone Shikamaru previously thought Lee wasn't capable of using.

"Personality?" That was easy, "Demure, pliant, respectful, quiet but funny, pleasant, strong but not unbearably dominant." The exact opposite of Ino. Truthfully, he found those kind of girls a complete bore. A girl like that would put him to sleep faster than Ino's Mind-Transfer Jutsu put her to sleep.

Then a light bulb flashed in his brain, connections were being made. He was almost there…he could feel it.

And Lee did something that literally made Shikamaru take a step back.

He flipped his hair. Or at least, he would have flipped his hair had there been enough hair to flick. It was almost like he was expecting hair to be there. That wasn't all. Then he lifted his right hand and brushed his hair out of his eyes because the hair-flick hadn't done it for him. It made his heart pound in his chest.

That was _Ino's_ hair-flick and that was _Ino's_ eye-brush. Were it anyone else watching it they wouldn't have recognized it because no one else watched Ino like he did – had watched her for as long as he had. He knew her every little gesture and every little shift in expression. Lee would never do that.

The conclusion he reached was an impossible one, but it was right there in front of him. All the logical facts lined up.

Ino was unconscious on his bed because she was in the midst of her Mind-Transfer Jutsu. Lee was not acting like himself, he was acting like Ino. Or, more correctly, Ino was trying to act like Lee but her essence came through anyway and he was sure he was the only person alive who'd have picked it up.

What he didn't understand was why she was in _Lee_ and why she was pumping _him_ for information. She was in the middle of a seduction – that much he knew as a certainty. He could read the signs as easily as he could beat Chouji at chess. So why would she choose _Lee_ as the poor bastard she hopped into and why would she be talking to _him_ and not her subject?

The only way to get the answers was to ask her.

"Ino?"

* * *

_Shit._

That was the first word that came to her head, amidst a few other choice words she'd never have uttered out loud.

How the _hell_ had he figured out it was her in Lee's body? Obviously she'd either underestimated his brains (something she never thought she'd do) or underestimated just how much he knew her. Only someone who knew her _really_ well would have been able to tell she was in there.

Well, the other option was that she hadn't been good enough to convince him she was Lee but that could hardly be considered an option at all. Obviously she was _always_ good enough.

Now she had to figure out a way to play it.

She could act oblivious. That wouldn't be too far-fetched on Lee, but it would be on her. If Shikamaru had been able to tell she was in here from the little she'd given him, he'd definitely notice her trying to look oblivious.

She could run. When she was in the body she had full possession of the body. Lee could run _damn_ fast. Well, she didn't really need to run fast at all. She doubted Shikamaru would bother expending the energy to run after her when he could just seek her out later. Stupid.

Or she could just own up to it now and try to pass it off as something it wasn't. If she came up with a logical reason as to why she was in _Lee's_ body pumping _him_ for information, he'd follow it easily enough because despite her earlier fears, why _would_ he think she was trying to seduce him? His logical little mind would explore every other plausible option because he wouldn't be expecting her to seduce him.

So Ino dropped the stupid expression she was wearing, took a deep breath, and launched into her excuse:

"Okay, you got me. This is how it is…"

And that's when terror struck.

* * *

One second he was about to get an explanation from Ino, the next he doubted Ino's ability to talk as she was in the midst of a bone-crushing hug from Gai.

The first expression to register on her (Lee's) face was surprise. Then shock. Then annoyance. Then anger. Then disgust.

He tried valiantly not to laugh.

He failed.

* * *

Oh, she was glad Shikamaru found it so funny that she was in such complete torture within Gai's arms. It was a place she'd _never_ wanted to visit at all and, at this point, a place she _never_ wanted to visit again.

She tried to pry her (Lee's) weedy little body out of his grip to little avail. Gai was the one Lee had learned all his super physical strength from after all. No, Gai was like a goddamned boa constrictor. The more she struggled the tighter he held on. Any longer and she'd start worrying about her ability to breathe.

"Get…off…" She saw no point in pretending she was Lee when the one person she needed to fool already knew. She didn't give a damn about whether or not Gai would be angry. She just wanted him the hell _off_ her with at least a 3-metre gap between their bodies, regardless of the fact that her body was Lee's at the time. She could still _feel_ him and that was more than enough to completely gross her out.

"Lee…" Gai started with a stricken look on his face, "Do you not want to be greeted by your most youthful sensei after so long without seeing his face?"

By so long did he mean the _three hours_ since he'd last left Lee? If so, that was just weird. These guys had separation issues _big time_.

"I'm not Lee…so get _off_!" Ino managed a half-yell, which was all the amount of air she currently had access to would allow.

She saw him look at Shikamaru wiping tears of laughter from his eyes and then back at her, but he didn't let go.

"Lee, why must you lie to me?" He started rubbing his face on her chest. Even though it wasn't _her_ chest (_that_ was a lot bigger than Lee's), she could still feel it through Lee's and that was enough to gross her out.

Okay, now she was _really_ getting pissed off. Before she could excuse his behaviour (if only barely) because he didn't know it wasn't Lee. Now she was pretty damn sure he knew but he just kept going in order to either piss her off or get payback for taking over Lee's body. Probably both.

Just as she was about to work up the rant of a lifetime, she was interrupted. By Shikamaru.

"Look, Gai, I know you're annoyed Ino transferred into Lee's body, but that doesn't mean you can punish her like this."

Ino knew she was gaping like an idiot, but she didn't care. It wasn't like the expression was too out of place on Lee's face anyway.

"So can you please let her go now? You can hang around till she leaves, but don't touch her unless she allows you to."

His words were the height of politeness, but his tone held an edge she'd never heard before. A dangerous edge. An edge that was strangely arousing her.

_Ohhhh boy…_

This was a problem she'd never encountered before. If her mind got aroused in a boy's body, would the arousal show in the boy's body? Because that…that would be very noticeable in Lee's lovely green spandex and if it showed now, while she was in Gai's arms, it would be very easy for both Gai and Shikamaru to take it _completely_ the wrong way.

She was struggling in earnest now.

"Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me _go_!"

And just as she felt the hardness coming on (and _damn_, did that feel weird), the familiar airy feeling tickled around her and she started feel lighter, as though the weight of a body no longer held her down, and then she blacked out.

* * *

Talk about a close shave! Not only was being discovered mid-transfer embarrassing, but also to give Lee's body a boner while being mauled by Gai? Unimaginable horror. She probably would have had to off herself, or at least leave the village and start afresh in Sand or something. She didn't think they had a notorious slut (she would have heard about the competition if they had).

Now she didn't know where she was. Her surroundings looked vaguely familiar, as though she'd been here sometime in the distant past but not recently enough for her to recognise the place at first sight.

Someone had obviously moved her from the park. While she was grateful that her lovely body was no longer exposed to the harsh elements (rain water just took all the shine out of her hair), she would have preferred to be forewarned somehow. The least this person could have done was leave her note, explaining who they were, where she was and why they'd taken her body in the first place. God only knew there were some depraved psychopaths out there. Shinobi were renowned for being a little off with their fashion and hobbies. Who knew what kind of fetishes people had?

But she was on a bed, no clothing had been removed and she didn't feel like she'd been horribly violated. That was a good sign.

She was wet, though. Freezing, actually. Whoever had placed her on their bed obviously hadn't cared much for the state of their sheets. Not her problem.

Ino sat up and considered her options. She could go home immediately, leaving a note for her saviour (of sorts) or she could wait it out for a bit and discover the person's identity. She _was_ curious and she didn't have to wait around any longer than she wanted to.

_Well, might as well get myself comfortable._

_

* * *

_

Shikamaru knew he should really be walking faster. Ino was undoubtedly back in her body by now, on his bed and wondering where the hell she was. She'd been in his room before, yes, but not since they were about twelve, before they grew out of the innocent childhood stage and he got self-conscious about her being there. She was _girl_ after all. That was over five years ago. He'd be very impressed with her memory if she immediately recognized the place.

Who knew what she was doing? She could have left. She could be downstairs chatting with his mother (they'd always gotten along oh-so-well). She could still be in his room. On his bed, perhaps.

_Damnit._

Maybe that was why he was in no rush. The intrinsic, animalistic part of his nature wanted her to be on his bed, conscious and soaked to the skin, clothes sticking to ever luscious curve she possessed. The sensible, civilised part of his nature recognised that those kind of thoughts were depraved and better suited for male dogs in heat. But if he got back to his room and she was still on his bed, the uncivilised man would probably take over and he cringed to think of what would happen.

Or maybe…maybe he could control himself. He'd done so for years, after all. But then, Ino had never been in his room since he'd fallen for her. It was an unpredictable circumstance. He hated those. He liked preset variables, the kinds that were predictable and malleable according to his intellect. If it were up to his logic, he'd be fine. Unfortunately, logic had little input into what his raging male hormones told him needed to happen.

But at the same time, he was eager to get back, to see if she was still there. Even though his logic warned him against the risk, the love-thing overruled all common sense. Love was strange; so contradictory. He wanted to be with her all the time and yet made him entirely too nervous about the prospect in case he stuffed it up somehow.

Besides all that, he need to know what the hell she was doing in Lee's body. It was too strange for him to be able to figure out on his own, ridiculously high IQ or not. He could rule out a few impossibilities.

The first impossibility was that she'd never be seducing him. Sure, the illogicality that was love suggested the option and provided him with that tiny burst of hope, that niggling little possibility he couldn't seem to get rid of, but fortunately in this situation logic overpowered love. It was just too preposterous for words. He could only think of a few reasons why she'd seduce him and all of them were stretches of the imagination.

She could be doing it because she wanted him to want her. That was the most laughable of them all. Why would she want him to want her when she could have a whole parade of good looking, successful, charming guys to want her? She could be doing it for practice, but why with him? What purpose would that serve? There were many much better subjects she could practice on. She could be doing it for a challenge, but again: there were much better options than him. She could be doing it on a dare. This was the most plausible of all the impossible possibilities. She and Sakura were always involved in some sort of ridiculous bet, deal or competition. He wouldn't put it past Sakura to bet Ino that she couldn't seduce one of her closet guy friends whose mothers were pregnant together because of all those friend-attraction boundaries and restrictions (that he'd had no problem passing, ironically). But Sakura had left for a three month mission about a month ago so she wasn't around to challenge Ino to anything ridiculous.

So there must be some sort of explanation, some logical reason as to why Ino would use her Mind-Transfer Jutsu on him in the form of Lee and ask him what type of girls he preferred because her subject of seduction was _not_ him.

That knowledge raised a new question: so who was the subject?

As he and Chouji had joked, Ino had seduced quite a few guys over the years. Some he was acquainted with, most he was not. Surely she was running out of guys around her age because she'd either seduced them already or their friends had been warned off her. That must explain her recent inactivity (until now, anyway). What Chouji joked about must actually be coming true. She was moving on to the next generation.

Seducing a younger generation was a ridiculous notion. The only reason Ino would do that would be for a confidence booster. Like she needed _that_. He'd never met anyone so confident in her abilities. She honestly believed she could seduce any normal, hormonal guy because when you got to down to the basics of human nature, lust and desire were there and she knew how to appeal to them. She'd proved right so far.

That must mean she was going older. She had always like the strong, mature kind of men. Guys her age she tended to play with. Guys a few years older she tended to keep around for a bit because she either genuinely liked them or they excited her. The oldest she'd every gone for was, if his memory served him correctly, five years her senior. She'd been sixteen and successfully passed herself off as eighteen. It broke off after almost half a year when he found out her real age through an…err…accidental slip of the tongue by a close guy friend of hers, but he wasn't pointing fingers.

She'd never expressed a specific interest in older men, but then he usually tuned himself out when she started talking about other guys so it was entirely possible that he missed something along the way.

Was she going for the _real_ men now? The next generation up?

It was kind of weird when he really thought about it. The next generation was the Asuma's (though she'd obviously never go for him), Kakashi's, Iruka's, and others who were either approaching or had crossed over the thirty threshold.

She wouldn't go for Kakashi because he was Sakura's former sensei, she thought he was perverted and he had white hair. Besides, Kakashi was as socially stunted as you could get. He didn't pass for what Ino considered a 'normal' guy.

Iruka was a possibility, but then he had been their Academy sensei. While the thought of entering an illicit teacher-student or teacher-former-student relationship would excite some people, Ino wasn't one of those. Even though she was known for her sexual conquests, she had a surprising lack of sexual fetishes or fantasies. She was pretty straightforward. Even though Iruka was technically no longer her sensei, she probably still thought of him in that way like he himself did.

He racked his brain to find next-gen guys that Ino had come into contact with. He had a few acquaintances up in the ranks due to his position as a strategist and Ino had met a few of them by default, but it was possible that she had a few of her own acquaintances.

He'd get to that later. First, he thought of some guy he knew she knew. There were a few ANBU operatives that she'd met, but when she'd met them she'd never seen their faces and it was in a professional setting so everything was professional. Nothing would spark her interest there.

No, there was only one guy she'd ever met in a casual setting.

Genma.

He'd done a few strategist assignments for Genma's ANBU squad. Ino always made a point of flirting with him because Genma always made a point of flirting with anything female as long as they weren't genin. The first time Genma had met Ino was when she had done her chunin exams for the second time around. He was the official running the show. She'd spent most of the time showing off to him and passed by the skin of her teeth because of it. But a pass was a pass and Genma had wasted no time flirting with the buxom blonde chunin at the celebratory feast. She'd been fifteen at the time. Since then, Shikamaru knew they flirted when they happened to see each other but that they really made no effort other than that because when it came down to it, though Genma flirted with younger girls he never actually actively pursued them and Ino was too busy with her own generation to bother with him.

Well not anymore, or so it seemed. And Genma would present an interesting challenge because while he probably would never actively pursue a younger girl, he was the type of guy who probably wouldn't be completely adverse to the idea either. He'd just need a little convincing. Ino could most definitely convince.

_Damn._

He valiantly fought the white, hot jealousy that started to rise up within him. His fists clenched and his teeth grated together.

Why was it happening this time? Over the past years there'd been an almost never-ending procession of men in Ino's life and he'd bore it all with nothing more than a little twinge of discontent. But now…it was like when he first started falling for her. Unbearable. It didn't make sense. Nothing had changed.

Well, maybe it had. She'd never even given the appearance of wanting to seduce him before. Even if he knew that wasn't the case, love had given him that small sliver of hope after all and now that a logical subject for her subject had been provided, that hope was dashed. And even though the hope had been small, it had been hope and hope dashed brought him back to where he started again.

It could not happen. Not again. He'd had enough of wanting her constantly and watching her shack up with other guys even more constantly. He _refused_ to feel anything. He'd go up to his room and he'd force himself not to feel because that was the only way he'd bear it all over again.

* * *

Well whoever had stashed her in their room was certainly taking a lot longer than she'd expected! She'd been sitting there for almost half an hour, which was a _colossal_ waste of her time. It grew even more irritating when she thought of much better things she could be doing, like…oh, drying off. Not only were her clothes still soaked, they were starting to smell. And it wasn't a good smell. There was no telling who was going to come walking through that door she'd been staring at for the last half hour. What if they were good looking, had seen her lying unconscious in the park like one of those gorgeous, buxom damsels in distress and he'd decided to rescue her by taking her back to his castle (she'd conveniently ignore the fact that this room was more than a little plain) and then he walked back in after…err, slaying some sort of evil creature for her protection…and she smelled like _this_. Totally unacceptable.

She knew instinctively that whoever had rescued her was, indeed, male. One look around this boring room was enough to establish _that_. No female, no matter how homosexual they were, would deign to sleep in such a bare place! And besides, what male couldn't resist abducting her unconscious body?

Suddenly, an idea of sheer brilliance came to her. She loved it when that happened because it didn't happen all that often. It wasn't that she was stupid or anything. Quite the opposite, actually. She liked to think of herself as having an above average level of intelligence (not as above average as Sakura's, but she figured that wide forehead had to be compensated by _something_). It was just that she was so used to being in the Ino-Shika-Chou Team that her brain had relaxed. All brilliance bursts of inspiration and strategy were reserved for Shikamaru. That was his thing, after all. But her day must have finally been turning up because she just had one then!

If she found some clothes to change into, she could both dry off (eliminating the mouldy, wet-clothes smell currently permeating the air) and attempt to recover at least some shred of the sexiness with which she'd left her house that morning.

The chest of drawers looked promising.

The first drawer was always entirely devoted to underwear, no matter who it was. It was just one of those strange, unwritten laws of nature: Underwear Must Be In Top Drawer. However, she figured she might as well look in it anyway. There was always something…naughty associated with looking in someone's underwear drawer. She was aware it was probably more than a little creepy, but she'd often found some of the most curious discoveries in men's underwear drawers. One time she found a dead rat, which caused her to wonder how long the particular guy had been wearing dead-rat underwear. Another time, she'd found a cactus. Literally. A cactus. Perhaps it was placed there to stop people from snooping? If it was, it was a pretty stupid anti-snoop device.

She used exploding tags.

Disappointingly, the only uncommon thing she found in this guy's drawer was an errant shoji piece. An unwitting image of Shikamaru playing shoji with Asuma flared up before her eyes and she couldn't help but smile as she thought of how the corners of his mouth turned down and his brow creased when he concentrated like that. It was just too adorable for words. Not like she'd ever tell _him_ that, though!

She threw the shoji piece on the floor and moved on to the next drawer. Also disappointing. There was nothing but mesh shirts, plain vests and common ninja pants, none of which she could use to cover herself. Usually she wasn't averse to showing a bit of skin (a mesh shirt would accomplish that quite thoroughly) but she didn't even know if this guy was good looking yet!

The third drawer provided far more encouraging results. It was the obvious reject drawer, in which the owner deposited all the random items of clothing they'd never allow anyone to see them wear in public. Therefore, they were often ill fitting and well worn but it'd accomplish her purposes just fine.

Unfortunately, none of the shorts in there seemed to have drawer-strings on them so she couldn't wear any of those, but surely one of the shirts would be big enough to cover all the essentials. She drew out a dark blue one (blue was always a favourable colour), stripped to her underwear as fast as possible and threw the shirt on. She then pulled her hair out of it's customary ponytail and proceeded to inspect herself in the full-length mirror on the back of the door.

And grimaced.

Well, she couldn't say she looked her best. Her hair was that awful mixture of half-wet, half-dry, which pretty much meant it was formless and lax. The rain had washed away any last trace of makeup long ago. The shirt came mid-thigh, but it was completely formless and the sleeves went down to her elbows. Her _elbows_!

But at least the shirt smelled nice, she figured as she pulled it up to her nose and gave it a big, hearty sniff.

And froze. She knew this smell for it was the smell that haunted her, constantly tempting her with its distinct muskiness and warmth that belonged to only one person.

She knew whose room this was. She knew and her heart started beating. _Hard_.

And then the door opened, right in front of her.

And _he_ was on the other side.

* * *

Sure, Shikamaru had known that Ino would be up and at em' by the time he meandered his way back to his house. He also figured that, despite how much he hoped otherwise, she would stick around to find out who'd taken her body. She was curious like that. What he hadn't expected was that she'd be standing smack bang right in front of him in what seemed to be nothing but his shirt.

_How troublesome._

No amount of strategist assignments, shoji games, analytical ability or superior intellect could have prepared him for something like _this_. Even an IQ of over 200 could extricate him from _this_.

That was it. It was _all over_ for him now. He was going to have to start acclimating himself to her _all over_ again. He was going to have to drag himself through that laborious, excruciating period _all over_ again, wasn't he? He was undone, because what was standing in front of him now was just…

Too much. It was too much.

He'd secretly pined over her for years and there she was, standing in his room, her clothes a wet pile on the floor, with her hair down framing a face clean of any makeup, which only served to make her appear devastatingly innocent. As though she'd never been touched before. As though he might be the first one.

Then there was the shirt. He'd had that old shirt for years, longer than he'd been in love with her. He remembered his dad had bought it in some village he'd visited for a mission but it had turned out too small for him so he'd given it to Shikamaru. It wasn't exactly his style, but he couldn't deny its comfort so he wore it to bed the nights it was too cold to be shirtless. And it was blue.

Now Ino was wearing it. And little else.

He'd never thought the sight could be provocative. But it was. It really was. There was something so…possessive about it. Usually he wasn't the type to get possessive about anything because it was far too troublesome, but with Ino standing there in his room in his shirt made him believe, if just for one tantalizing second, that she belonged to him.

Because that was all he ever wanted.

Then she started blushing and his body starting thrumming for her. He'd never seen a more open, vulnerable expression grace the features he was so familiar with and seeing it there now made him love her even more.

He hadn't thought it possible.

* * *

He was staring at her…intently. She self-consciously tugged down the bottom of the shirt, surprised that she'd feel to do so. She was _Ino_. She'd worn much less than an oversized _shirt_ in a man's company. She shouldn't be feeling this way. But then again, perhaps it made sense. All the men that had looked at her so intently hadn't be _this_ man, the man she loved, whose opinion mattered more to her than all of them combined.

And then she felt herself begin to blush. Imagine that! Blush! She couldn't remember the last time she'd blushed at _anything_! With him staring at her like that with that infuriatingly unreadable expression she felt as though she were a complete innocent, completely bare to his unrelenting gaze. She felt shy. Shy! When had she ever been _shy_ around a man? She'd never even felt shy around Shikamaru before…perhaps because she'd never felt so vulnerable around him before.

Really, this had to end before she did something _completely_ humiliating like stutter or hold her fingers in front of her face like a certain Hyuga girl she knew (really, she loved Hinata but she was just so insufferably _innocent_ sometimes).

"So…um…you were the one that found my body?" She asked obtusely. It was quite obvious by now that he was, but the only other plausible options for conversation starters at that time were "So how about that rain, huh?" or "So I'm in nothing but your shirt…" – neither of which would do _anything_ to ease the awkwardness of that particular moment.

Shikamaru seemed to blink himself out of whatever mindless stupor he'd been in.

"Yeah. Saw you in the park. Figured I'd better take you somewhere dry. Your house was too far away."

He wasn't speaking in complete sentences. That was a good sign. Things might start to return to normal…if they managed to ignore the fact she was still only in his shirt.

She gave a small nod of acknowledgement. "Oh, cool. Thanks. I was a little confused when I woke because, you know, I didn't really recognise the place and you took a while to get back here so I figured I better put something dry on and stop getting your sheets wet," Great. She was babbling like a fool. "So yeah, hope you don't mind."

He shrugged and put his hands in his pockets, "It's fine." Awkward pause, "So…"

Was this it? Was this the question she was dreading; the question that could possibly bring the existence of Yamanaka Ino down in a blaze of humiliation?

"What were you doing in Lee?"

Yep, there it was. The question she had no decent answer for.

Lying was the most attractive option, however Shikamaru wasn't called a genius because people thought it was a cool nickname. He was _smart_. If the lie didn't make sense, he wouldn't buy it. Unfortunately, it hadn't occurred to her to think up a good story during her voluntary time in captivity because she hadn't thought she'd be bumping into Shikamaru so soon. _Big_ mistake.

"Well, there's this guy I'm planning to sort of get with…" she started uneasily. Of course she wasn't going to say the guy was _him_ but he wouldn't believe she was simply practicing. She didn't _need_ to practice, obviously.

"Genma, right?" Shikamaru surmised without any warning.

_Where the hell did he get that idea?_

It wasn't that Genma was unattractive, per se. Actually, he was pretty damn good looking and she flirted with him every opportunity she got because, to speak truthfully, he was a damn good flirt! She sort of understood why Shikamaru might assume she was interested in him for those reasons, but Genma was _old_! He was most definitely well on his way to thirty, if he hadn't gotten there already! And that was like Asuma's age, which was just weird.

She vaguely remembered Chouji joking with Shikamaru about her targeting the next generation up but she hadn't actually thought Shikamaru would seriously _consider_ it! She must seem more depraved to them than she thought.

That was entirely too depressing.

However, depressing as it was, it still far better for Shikamaru to think she was planning to seduce Genma instead of realising she was planning to seduce _him_.

"Was I wrong?" Shikamaru suddenly asked and Ino realised she probably still had a shocked look on her face.

"Oh, no you're right. I was just surprised you figured it out so easily." Decent cover. Maybe this would turn out okay after all.

"So why were you talking to me? And it Lee of all people?" Shikamaru asked as he walked past her into his room, shut the door halfway and sat on the edge of his bed. "It was sort of troublesome."

_Crap! _She hadn't thought of a good excuse for that one yet! It was probably too much to hope that Shikamaru would provide another easy escape.

She stood awkwardly in the middle of his room, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt as he gazed at her with barely concealed boredom, as though he didn't care if she answered one way or the other. It was simply _infuriating_. There she was, flustered and embarrassed and unable to think straight and there _he_ was, looking as if her standing in the middle of his room in his shirt was not an uncommon sight.

"I just was, okay! I don't have to explain myself to you!" She huffed, exasperated and unable to come up with a decent excuse. As long as he was convinced she was after Genma, it didn't really matter what other conclusions he came up with.

A hint of an amused smile turned up the corners of his lips and she wondered what he found so damn funny. Sure, it was all right for him to find humour in the situation. After all, wasn't _she_ the one who'd completely failed in her assessment of her subject? Wasn't _she_ the one who'd been mauled by Gai? Wasn't _she_ the one in nothing but a _shirt_?

"Shut up, it's not funny!" She pouted at him, which only served to amuse him further it seemed.

"What's not funny?"

She put her hands on her hips, completely forgetting about her attire, "Whatever it is I _know_ you were laughing at!"

He raised an indolent eyebrow at her, "Did you _see_ me laughing?"

Not one to be outdone, Ino flicked her hair over her shoulder in what she always thought was a supreme gesture of superiority, "Yes, actually."

"Huh," Shikamaru uttered, without injecting any real feeling into the word. "I'd love to know how you accomplished that." He muttered, more to himself that to her.

She must have been more aggravated than she thought, because she walked right over to where he was sitting. She must have found him more infuriatingly frustrating than usual because she stood right in front of him. And his proximity to her, the fact that they were in his room alone and, most of all, the fact that she was still in his shirt must have made her at least halfway delirious because she smiled, bent over, placed her two index fingers on both the corners of his mouth and said:

"I know when you're laughing inside because these two spots right here give you away."

* * *

That he didn't kiss her right then and there was a firm testament to his godlike self-control. It must have been, because he couldn't think of any other reason why he'd be able to sit still at that moment and do nothing but look at her while she gave him some sort of serious heart failure. That's what it felt like.

_How troublesome._

That was twice in one day now. Any more of this and he'd age prematurely. His mother's damn menopause certainly wasn't helping. Her nagging would probably become even more incessant if he was hospitalized because of Ino. At this rate, a visit to the hospital seemed to be in the near future. Unfortunately, as good as the Hokage was with medicine, he doubted she'd come up with a cure for love. If only. Maybe then he'd finally get some reprieve from _this_.

As if the shirt wasn't enough, she just had to walk over to him, bend down, smile at him in that way he could never quite look away from and touch him. It didn't matter how innocent the touch was; it was everything. It was small, slight, and breathtakingly intimate in ways he couldn't even begin to understand.

And, as if _that_ wasn't enough, what she'd said…it did something to him. Something _deep_. Something…something permanent. He didn't know what it was about what she'd said, but he felt connected to her somehow and it almost knocked him flat, which would have been quite a feat seeing as he was already sitting down.

But she held him captive in those arresting blue eyes of hers and he couldn't move. Didn't want to.

Still, it was a marvel of supernatural proportions that he hadn't kissed her.

Instead, the corner of his lips raised just a fraction, her fingers moving with them. He raised his hand, his fingers brushing her cheekbone, and he marvelled at the softness of her skin. Then gently, ever so gently because he'd been waiting to do this for an eternity, he brushed his thumb over the bridge of her nose and said:

"And you're nose wrinkles when you smile."

* * *

**A/N: I hope this chapter makes up for at least a fraction of the uncommonly long wait I subjected you guys to! Let's all hope the next chapter comes much sooner! Thanks for your patience :)**


	3. Prepare

**A/A: I'm BACK! For now, anyway. I have experience a recent surge of fanfiction inspiration, all thanks to my lovely friend walkingwater, who probably doesn't even know what she did.**

**But never mind that. I have uploaded a good, long chapter for all those readers that have been stewing in frustration as they patiently waited for the next upload. I would say that hopefully the next one won't take so long, but knowing me it probably will. Such are the trials of life, I suppose.**

**What I DO hope is that you all enjoy this and not be too angry at me in your reviews for being lazy :)**

* * *

**Chapter Three: Prepare**

_A prepared seduction is a successful seduction. An adequate assessment will provide you with the knowledge of what you need to accomplish. Preparation will include areas such as appearance._

They wordlessly stared at each other for what must have been a good, _long_ ten seconds. It could have been longer, but counting wasn't exactly on Ino's mind. Actually, for once in her life she didn't have much on her mind at all. There was kind of this eerie stillness, like a mist that had descended over her brain.

She wasn't sure _what_ she was supposed to be doing, really. Couldn't remember a time she'd ever been in a situation like this one. Nothing in her _Infallible Plan of Action_ could have prepared her for something like _this_.

She couldn't seem to move. She didn't know if it was because she was enjoying their rare proximity or because if they did move, they'd then be forced to deal with the aftermath of whatever the _hell_ this was. Either way, she had to do _something_ because what was possibly the most romantic moment of her life (which wasn't really saying anything positive for the state of her love life) was in distinct danger of becoming the most awkward moment of her life.

So she scowled at him. It was her fallback expression. It worked. He withdrew his hands, which somehow freed her movement too.

"Me? Wrinkles? Don't be stupid!" She scoffed, rather weakly she thought. However, it effectively broke the moment, the unsettling stillness that had descended upon them both. But that didn't mean her face wasn't heating up, that her heart wasn't pounding away in her chest, and that her fingers weren't shaking as she clasped them into desperate fists at her sides.

What _was_ that? And what was wrong with her? If any other guy had said her nose wrinkled when she smiled she would have punched them in the face without a moment's hesitation. But _some_how Shikamaru had made it seem like the most intimate gesture ever to be bestowed upon a female.

"Whatever," Shikamaru replied after a long pause, shrugging nonchalantly as though that electrifying moment had only been one-sided.

Had it?

* * *

This day was just turning out to be way too troublesome. Really.

_Your nose wrinkles when you smile? Really?_

Of all the things he could have said, of all the little physical characteristics of hers he'd picked up over years of close (and sort of stalker-like) observation, and he chose _your nose wrinkles_? He was only surprised she hadn't punched him in the face yet. If it wouldn't make him look even worse, he would have punched himself in the face.

Maybe he should try strangling himself with his own shadow. It would be a subtle way to go. Unfortunately his father had never quite told him if it would work, probably because he hadn't wanted his son getting curiously suicidal like he was now.

_How troublesome._

He didn't know what he was going to do about her now (she was still divested of her wet clothes and in his shirt, after all) but he needed to move. So, without really planning ahead of the immediate, he stood up.

Bad play. _Very_ bad play.

In an uncharacteristic move, he hadn't accounted for how close she was, so as he stood they collided in a decidedly _un_appealing way.

His head banged her nose.

"_Ow_!" Ino exclaimed passionately as she held her nose, "This better not start bleeding, you ass!"

Shikamaru grimaced, though he didn't quite think that expression adequately conveyed the gravity of how much of an idiot he felt just then.

"Sorry," He muttered as he sank back down on the bed, toying with the idea of laying down in it and hiding under the covers until everything, including Ino (_especially_ Ino), miraculously disappeared by morning. He probably would have given it a try if his sheets weren't wet.

Ino managed to give him a glare that could reduce lesser men to quivering heaps on the floor (he only survived through years of practice and hard work) even with her hands covering half her face.

"Well?" Her voice was muffled, what with the hands covering her mouth and nose, but he was pretty sure that's what she said.

"Well what?" He replied morosely, aware he probably looked and sounded more pathetic than she did.

"I'm _hurt_! And because of _you_, no less!" She seethed, and he wished her words weren't so clearly enunciated even while muffled so he could at least pretend he hadn't understood her.

"I'm aware."

"_Well_?"

At the risk of sounded repetitive he replied, "Well what?"

"I could be _bleeding_! Because of _you_!"

He sighed. He couldn't help it. It probably wouldn't do much for her temper, but he figured trying to contain _that_ was a lost cause at the moment anyway.

"You're not bleeding," Maybe he would have felt a bit worse if she had been, but there was a distinct lack of blood dripping through her fingers.

"But I _could_ have been! _Because of you_!"

She seemed to have a penchant for pointing out his blame in all of this, as though the constant reminder was supposed to spur him into some specific action. Women. If she wanted him to do something in particular, why didn't she just _ask_ him to?

"And?" He prompted, because she was clearly expecting something from him. Hell if he knew what it was. Women were unpredictable and unreasonable at best, and Ino certainly wasn't at her best right then.

"And?" She repeated in decidedly more vehement tones. "_And_?"

Again with the repetition. He wasn't quite sure what she was attempting to accomplish with it.

"You should be checking if I'm okay!" She finally exploded.

_And there it is_, he thought. That elusive action he was supposed to have been performing by now, or maybe several minutes ago judging from the expression on her face (what he could see of it behind her hands, anyway).

It probably wasn't wise to point out she could just look in the mirror.

* * *

Boys were so _obtuse_! Honestly, by looking at the man sulking (yes, _sulking_) on the bed in front of her, you'd think he wasn't in possession of an IQ over 10 on a good day. And this _wasn't_ a good day! She'd been rained on, forced to possess Lee (so many possibly psychological issues associated with that), been forced into extended physical contact with Gai (so many _more_ possibly psychological issues associated with _that_), woken up in a strange room, found out that room was Shikamaru's (man who she loved), found out the shirt she'd casually put on was Shikamaru's (repeat earlier thought), and had probably burst a major artery somewhere in the vicinity of her heart because of that stupidly adorable comment about _wrinkles _on her nose!

And _then_, as if _all that_ wasn't enough, he banged her nose with his head! And…_and_ he didn't even seem to care much either way! She was in _pain_, for crying out loud! There was this irritating dull throb that pulsated in time with her heart and he hadn't even thought to do what normal guys would, like take her in his arms, brush a hand over her cheek, look deep into her eyes and ask, as though it was the most important question to ever leave his lips, if she was okay.

But _no_, Shikamaru had just sat on the bed, staring off into space, looking like he was wishing for nothing more than dry sheets. What's more, he looked like he wanted to be _anywhere_ but there or, rather, like he wanted _her_ to be anywhere but there. It stung in a way that wasn't easy to admit to, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to storm out – partially clothed and all – or stay put to suffer through his disregard because she wasn't sure which option was more painful.

And damn it all, there were tears in her eyes now. How _embarrassing_. She couldn't remember the last time she'd cried in front of anyone, much less him! At least the appearance of tears seemed to be spurring him into some sort of guilt trip, evident from the deep swallow, widened eyes and pursed lips.

Well, either he was embarking on a guilt trip or he was spontaneously constipated. Both expressions were remarkably similar.

Then he swallowed again and looked like he was steeling himself to perform some vulgar task. This was followed by a long-suffering sigh of resignation. She _hoped_ this had nothing to do with her.

Unfortunately, she'd hoped for too much.

* * *

Those were tears in her eyes, weren't they?

_Damn. _

And because it bore repeating…

_Damn. _

Tears were one of the many things he could not handle. Even if he hadn't been seeing them with alarming frequency this week as his menopausal mother tried to stop him from going to training (she was afraid he'd get killed because he'd be too lazy to move out the way of a kunai), tears still possessed the disturbing ability to reduce even the strongest of men to a quivering heap of spineless indignity and he was under no illusion that he was the strongest of men. Hell, he probably didn't even make it past the bottom three percent.

And those were just normal tears from normal women (though he could only tentatively place his mother in the category of 'normal'). They weren't _Ino's_ tears. The last time he'd seen Ino's tears was when they were both four and he'd pulled her hair because she'd forced him to eat mud (and she hadn't even had the decency to disguise it as pie). Even at that tender age he'd felt the injustice of it all. Mud-eating was far worse than hair-pulling in his books, so he couldn't help but feel a little miffed when her tears had gotten her a lollipop and him a hard spanking.

So when he saw her tears now, he couldn't help but feel the injustice of it all once again for a number of reasons. Firstly, he hardly thought that little bang to the nose warranted tears. Secondly, any girl's tears had the uncanny knack to make any man feel remarkably awkward and incompetent and this instance was no exception. Thirdly, he felt _awful_. He couldn't physically remember a time when he'd felt more so, which was really saying a lot because much had happened over the past few years with Ino to make him feel particularly awful.

Like that time only a mere two weeks after he'd fallen for her when he'd caught her making out with some asshole called Shin (he didn't actually know the guy but he couldn't imagine he'd ever like him _now_). Then there was that time when a messenger pigeon had dropped a piece of paper on his head and he'd read it only to realise that the bird had flown to the wrong guy when he saw it wasn't _his_ name Ino had associated 'you make me hot all over' with. Oh, and how could he ever forget the time Ino had shamelessly walked into the men's toilets (to this day he never found out why), laughed (yes, laughed) when she saw him at the urinal and left before he could reassure her that it was actually much bigger when he was using it for something other than pissing.

Now he felt _awful_ because all those times he'd only felt that way because Ino had done something to hurt him (unintentional though it was), but this time he'd done something to hurt her (unintentional thought _that_ was) which, he was surprised to note, made him hurt even worse than all those times combined…and then some. It couldn't be said that it was a particularly pleasant feeling, so _awful_ seemed an apt way to describe it.

_Hell. I'm going to have to do something about her now. How troublesome. _

It wasn't so much that he minded doing something; he just wasn't quite sure what it was he was supposed to be doing. He vaguely recalled her mentioning something before the tears came along, but he couldn't quite remember what it was exactly because he was entirely too accustomed to blocking out things that were troublesome. There was something about her bleeding and a mirror…?

He sighed. If all this was over a stupid head-into-nose bang he may as well just have a look at the damn nose and convince her he hadn't done any permanent damage (maybe _that's_ what she was so upset about). The sooner the tears disappeared, the better for everyone involved…namely him. Unfortunately, in order to gain access to her nose he'd be required to get close to her face.

He swallowed apprehensively. He'd held out from kissing her thus far, so perhaps his astounding luck in this department would continue? There wasn't much else that could go wrong for him today. Surely his lifetime quota of bad karma had already been expended.

Before he could reason himself out of it, he stood up – being _very_ careful not to hit her nose this time – and stood in front of her. He was far too close to be anywhere near comfortable, but he figured he couldn't exactly check her nose from across the room.

But at this distance, her eyes were just that much bluer and that much wider as she stared up at him in what could only be called confusion. The utter lack of anger or annoyance in her expression, which was what she usually directed his way, gave her that appearance of innocent vulnerability again and all he wanted to do was put his arms around her. He might have done just that if it weren't for the fact that she'd knee him in the groin or something to that affect if he tried.

_Look at her nose. Just look at her nose._

The nose had to be the least attractive part of any face (that, and possibly eyebrows), so he figured if he focused all his attention on that one appendage he'd be fine. However, she was still covering her nose with her hands so all he could really see were those eyes…

_Move the hands. Now._

His fingers gently encircled her wrists and her hands went slack from the shock of the sudden contact (which just reinforced the idea that it _wouldn't_ be a great time for a surprise kiss). He shifted them away from her face with deliberate movement, not sure whether he was doing so for her sake or his. As soon as her face was revealed he sucked in a quick breath, unable to pause the irritating reflex action. Had he ever been so close to her face before? He couldn't remember ever noticing how her lips parted slightly as she exhaled and the length of her eyelashes on her cheek when she blinked, and that tiny, single freckle on the side of her nose that she usually covered with makeup.

On the subject of her face, it had sort of blanked out by this time. He wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but as long as she wasn't yelling or inflicting some form of physical damage on his person he figured he was in the clear and should proceed with caution. The caution was certainly for both their sakes. He'd always liked to think of himself as possessing an abnormally large quota of self-control, as proven by the fact that he hadn't done anything troublesome to her yet, but now it would just be so easy to close the distance…

_Nose. Look at her nose. _

He brushed the tips of his fingers over the bridge of her nose. It was completely unnecessary, but he had to indulge himself just that little bit, hoping she'd write the brief contact off as a routine part of his inspection. Then he stepped closer for some unknown reason. It was like he had no control over his body anymore, like someone caught him in his own shadow jutsu and was forcing him closer and closer to her.

Not that he minded.

She seemed to sway a little on her feet, kind of backwards and forwards, away and towards him. Then his spine was attacked by a swarm of electric tingles when her hands rested lightly on his chest.

His mind completely blanked. By this point he was only feeling, not thinking. His movements were based entirely on the tsunami of emotion that was pummelling him again and again and again. Electricity sparked around them, between them, between that gap that he swore was getting smaller and smaller as their bodies got closer and closer.

Her fingers curled against his chest and his thumb brushed across her cheekbone. It was smooth, soft. Her gaze met his gaze; it was full of unspoken things, secrets he was desperate to know, but somehow, sometime, his words had vanished and all that was left was this deep chasm of feeling and a traitorous voice in his head that whispered treasons, like maybe this feeling wasn't so one-sided after all.

He was going to kiss her.

* * *

He was going to kiss her.

She knew the signs. She'd kissed enough boys in her time to be able to tell when it was coming.

And it _was_ coming. All the signs were there. His face had that blank expression, his eyes that intense, almost fierce determination like nothing in the world could stop him now. And he was touching her, the tips of his fingers brushing across her cheek, her temple, her hair, as softly as butterfly's wings or the tip of a feather or any other relevant cliché she could come up with while he was doing that to her.

It was devastating. It was stealing every rational thought that had ever existed within her. He was holding hostage her ability to think, speak, move or do anything other than wait.

Wait for his eyes to drop to her lips.

_There it is._

Wait for his hands to still, tilting her face towards him.

_There it is._

Wait for his eyes to close.

_There it is. _

Wait for the slow, excruciating descent of lips until they finally, finally touched…

_Wait, where is it?_

Feeling more than a little irritated, Ino opened her eyes only to find that Shikamaru's attention wasn't on her anymore. His eyes were wide open, looking off in the general direction of the door. His hands were still cradling her face, but the moment was gone and she felt the loss of it with everything.

_Damn stupid idiot!_

It figured that the _one_ time they'd gotten even _remotely_ close to _something_ (she wasn't quite sure what, but a kiss was always a good sign), he spaced out at the last second! It was so _Shikamaru_ it made her want to tear her hair out. And she _loved_ her hair.

The moment well and truly gone, Ino followed the direction of Shikamaru's intense stare to find out who would have the audacity to dare interrupt something that was far too long coming in the first place.

So she looked.

And then she froze.

* * *

Just when he thought his day couldn't get any better, fate decided to agree with him and made it worse.

There he was and there she was. Or rather, there _they_ were, together, standing far too close for it to be casual, looking at each other far too intensely for it to be nothing, touching far too intimately for it to be coincidental.

He'd thought it most possibly the greatest moment of his life.

Sure, he was taking an uncharacteristic risk in kissing Ino. She'd looked receptive enough, if receptive meant she hadn't made any moves to stop him. She had, in fact, put her hands on his chest (where they still were, he noticed absently). He couldn't claim to have any great depth of experience with women, but surely they didn't just put their hands on a guy's chest unless it meant something. At least, Ino had never done that to him before so he figured it meant something for her.

But the moment might not have happened at all for what it mattered as acutely destroyed it had been the instant he'd heard the soft murmur of surprise, followed by a muttered "Oh, my!" and they hadn't been coming from Ino (he would have noticed, being that close and all).

It was some sort of sick cosmic joke that, at what would probably be the only chance he ever got to kiss a probably-receptive Ino, his mother walked in.

One glance at the door told him all he needed to know, but he couldn't seem to look away. Neither could she, apparently. Well, that was hardly surprising. He realised, rather belatedly, that he'd left the door half open so there was no reason for his mother to not just walk on in. So walk on in she had, and came across the scene before her now.

There he was and there Ino was. Or rather, there _they_ were, together, standing far too close for it to be casual, looking at each other far too intensely for it to be nothing, touching far too intimately for it to be coincidental.

And looking for all the world like they were about to kiss. Which they had been, he noted with no small degree of annoyance.

By this time Ino had noticed their rather sensitive predicament and positively leaped back from him, a sure sign of guilt. He stifled a groan. He'd been hoping to extricate them from the troublesome situation after a bout of quick strategic thinking and planned movement, but Ino had just gone and done more damage than he could repair in the space of a few seconds.

The situation was worsened when he noticed his mother looked like she was tearing up. She'd placed a hand on her chest, her lips were quivering and her eyes were getting that dangerous sheen to them. He personally thought that crying at the discovery of your son's sex life (if only) was a bit overdramatic, but he'd never expected his mother to fall in the categories of normal motherhood behaviours anyway. It was just _so_ unfortunate that she hadn't exceeded expectation this one time, though.

"Shika…Ino…I…I had no idea," She whispered.

This time he did groan out loud. This was not going to turn out beneficial for anyone.

"Mum, please…it's not…"

"I never thought this day would come!" She exclaimed happily, and Shikamaru thought her cheeks were about to crack under the force of her smile.

"What?" He and Ino said together, but he didn't dare look at her lest it encourage his mother to continue whatever the hell it was she was doing.

She sighed and clasped both her hands over her heart whilst looking between him and Ino, as though they were about to start professing their love for each other at any moment. As though she was _hoping_ that would happen.

_Something is not adding up here. This is very, very wrong. How troublesome._

"You have no idea – _no idea_ – what you two children have put we parents through these past few years!" She admonished.

"Multiple heart attacks?" Ino guessed, and Shikamaru had never wanted to throttle her more. Did she not know his mother enough to realise that speaking when she was in the midst of a pointless rant was _never_ a good thing? This woman could be _scary_.

His mother turned her sharp gaze on Ino, who he swore visibly shrunk under her gaze.

"Close enough," She replied, and he was sure he could feel the temperature in the room drop a few degrees. Icicles would probably start forming under his nose any second now.

"For _four years_ we've been trying to keep our distance so it could developed naturally and without inference," She continued, addressing Ino more than him while he wondered what 'it' was, "but I thought my dear Shikamaru was one of those gay people from all the attention he showed a beautiful girl like you, Ino!"

"Oh my god," Shikamaru groaned again while Ino barely suppressed a giggle. He didn't think this could get any worse. If it got any worse he may just have to relocate to Sand or something, a good three days away from the bane of his existence…both of them, who were in his room. Together.

_How troublesome._

"Don't you laugh, Yamanaka Ino! It certainly didn't help that you were too busy getting it on with every boy that moved to notice what a _treasure_ my Shikamaru is!"

While he took objection to being referred to as a treasure, he was far more concerned with just how grossly insulted Ino had just been by his mother. She hardly got it on with _every_ boy…just a lot of them.

He chanced a glance at her only to see a look of blank shock on her face reminiscent of the time he'd almost kissed her (it felt like centuries ago now). Even though having one's promiscuous reputation openly commented upon by a friend's mother was certainly a mortifying experience, he hadn't thought she'd be quite so upset about it. She'd made no effort to hide her…extracurricular activities and had, at times, almost seemed to take pride in being the notorious Seduction Mistress, more commonly known as the Slut.

But now she looked beyond mortified. She looked hurt and that wasn't an expression he was used to seeing on her…and it _definitely_ wasn't an expression he could tolerate.

"Mum, stop," He commanded in the most assertive voice he'd ever be able to use around her. His mother had the rare talent of emasculating every male within a 10-mile diameter with her sheer presence alone.

"Oh, be quiet, Shikamaru! Allow me just this brief moment of triumph before you ruin it by getting all grumpy," She scolded harshly. "I'll leave you two alone in a moment so you can continue what you were starting…or finishing," She continued with a pointed look at Ino's attire.

Shikamaru wanted to slap himself in the face because he felt so ridiculously stupid. Ino was still in his shirt, wasn't she? So not only did it appear as though they were about to get _into_ something, it also looked like they'd already finished _doing_ something. Honestly, he doubted much more could go wrong.

"Naru-san, I'm afraid there's been a bit of a misunderstanding," Ino reasoned whilst pulling down the hem of his shirt, which only served to redirect his mother's attention to the shirt.

"Don't be ridiculous, Ino," His mother waved at her dismissively. "Do you think I'm stupid? I was young once, you know."

Shikamaru sighed. _Here we go._

"You don't need to worry about what I think about you two being up here in Shika's room all alone. I know what goes on between young people in love behind closed doors," She smiled reminiscently and he had absolutely _no_ desire to find out what she was thinking about.

"Speaking of doors," she continued in afterthought, "You really should close it if you're going to be walking around in nothing but a shirt. Shikamaru, dear, maybe you should put a sock on the door like me and your father-"

"Oh my God. Stop. Now," So many mental images he never wished he'd seen flooded his brain. It would probably take months of therapy to forget it now.

"Sorry, Shika, I don't want to embarrass you," She said like she hadn't already done _that_ already. "Anyway, you don't need to hide your activities from us, dears. All parents concerned are in complete agreement on the matter!"

Then she gasped in excitement, "I can't wait to tell them what happened! We'll have to have a dinner to celebrate, of course."

She was more talking to herself now as he and Ino could only stare on in horror.

"Okay, well I'll let you two continue…_you know_…and I'll just be making a quick visit to the flower shop!"

With that she gave them one last huge, suggestive grin and firmly shut the door behind her, effectively leaving them alone in stunned, horrified silence.

And all he could think was: _what do I say to her now?_

* * *

Ino couldn't think of a time she'd been more mortified in her entire life. Sure, there was that one time her dress had ripped when she was out partying without realising and she'd walked around half the night with her thong showing. There was also that time she'd been hooking up with a guy that _said_ he lived alone, but then his dad had walked in to find her straddling his son topless. And then there was being found in Lee…and being hugged by Gai. That was just bad all round.

But all of these experiences were something she could look back on with some small degree of fondness. They were experiences she could share with friends and they'd all share horrified gasps and laugh over it. But being called a whore by the mother of the guy she was in love with? She was never going to look back on this with any degree of fond reminiscence. She was never going to share it with friends and laugh about it because it wasn't the time she'd almost kissed Shikamaru and had been caught by his mother. That would have been okay. No, this was the time every hope she'd had of regaining the respect of the only person she wanted it from died.

It wasn't that she cared a great deal about what Shikamaru's mother thought of her. That wasn't the crux of the matter. Sure, it was more than a little humiliating to find out that she knew about Ino's notoriety and the reasons for it. And if _Shikamaru's_ mother knew, she didn't even want to begin to think about how much her _own_ mother knew! If his mother had made that comment when they were alone, she would have been momentarily irritated at her audacity but nothing more. She didn't blame her for thinking that about her because she _did_ have a reputation. But to say it in front of _Shikamaru_? It was just the accumulation of everything she never wanted to happen.

She loved Shikamaru because of who he was despite what everyone thought him to be. He was commonly seen as irresponsible, unmotivated, lazy, and apathetic – all traits despise in shinobi. And sure, he was those things. He'd rather watch clouds for hours on end than learn a new technique. However, there was so much more to him than most people saw. Chouji saw it. Asuma saw it. Even Naruto saw it. And she _definitely_ saw it.

He was strong, so much stronger than he'd ever give himself credit for. After all, wasn't he the first of their group to become a chunin? Wasn't he the one who'd been leading and completing multiple missions when the rest of them couldn't even get past being genin? Wasn't he the one constantly beating the odds and insuring success? And even though he was strong, he was humble. He never showed off, never rubbed his abilities or intellect in people's faces. He was a leader, ready to take charge and demand respect when needed, but just as willing to fade into the background and let others have a go. Usually his lack of ambition was a blessing because it allowed him to remain objective and keep calm in situations in which others (like Naruto, for instance) would lose their head.

But above all his superior ability, intellect or personality traits, he was a good friend. He cared about people. He'd do his damnedest to disguise it all as troublesome, but she knew better. She could _see_ him. She saw his generosity in the way he'd do the most inconvenient things for a friend if they asked him. Even if he complained the entire time he _never_ said no unless he had no choice in the matter. She saw his honour in the way he stood up for Chouji countless times for countless things. She saw his care for his comrades when he put his life on the line for them constantly in many different situations over many different years. She saw all that and so much more; all the little and big things that made him Shikamaru, even all the bad things, and she loved him for all of it.

Not only that, he'd certainly more than grown into his looks over the years and he looked _damned_ fine in that jounin vest with those hoops in his ears and that scowl on his face. If he hadn't been too damn lazy to pay a little attention to females he'd probably have them all over him by now. Sometimes, she'd catch a glimpse of him out the corner of her eye and she swore her heart definitely stopped for a few seconds, as though it needed time to comprehend what she felt when she looked at him.

She only had two great hopes in her life. The first was to learn the Fifth Hokage's anti-aging jutsu (that women was well into her fifties and positively _smoking_ hot). The second and most important hope was that one day Shikamaru would see her too. _Really_ see her, like she saw him.

It was only as his mother had mentioned her reputation that she had realised her hope was futile. It didn't matter if he was the only person she wanted to know the real her, he would never be able to _find_ the real her when everyone around him believed what she'd led them to believe for so many years. Even Sakura, her rival-come-best-friend-still-rival believed the worst about her. Why? Because she did absolutely nothing to dispel the rumours, what people said she got up to after hours. Hell, she'd even fabricated more than a few raucous stories to add fuel to the fire. Why? Because that's what people expected from her.

She'd always been a more physical person and had most definitely been an early bloomer. Too early. The idea of clandestine affairs and forbidden kisses in back rooms seemed thrilling to her when she was fourteen. She was too naïve to know that affairs were rarely glamorous and forbidden kisses were usually cheap. So armed with her vivacious (usually referred to as obnoxious) personality, curiosity, sense of adventure and decent looks, she'd gone searching for the romance she'd heard so much about only to find the thrill was fleeting, the pleasure brief and disappointment crippling. Unfortunately, by the time she'd realised the kind of romance she'd idealised for so long didn't exist anymore it was too late. Her identity had been created from her various strings of conquests and hook ups.

Identity was an impossible thing to change. When someone expected certain behaviours, it took a lot to change that person's mind. And those in the shinobi world was more cynical than most. It came from killing people on a regularly basis, she guessed. As a ninja, you literally saw the worst evils of humanity and it did wonders for forming the belief that good was hard to come by and change was a rare commodity, one always met with suspicion. So she figured if people already believed she was a slut, she may as well be the best damn slut around in order to gain some control over the rumours that would spread regardless of any effort on her part to stop them. She'd been content with her lot in life. Sure, people looked down on her but at least she was having fun.

Then she'd fallen for Shikamaru. It'd crept up on her slowly, just a series of realisations of the person he'd become. Then that ridiculous belief in romance that she couldn't quite get rid of kept haunting her and teasing her, suggesting that maybe, just maybe, he could see her for who she really was and love her for it too.

Only now did she see the stupidity of that dream. Only now did she see the stupidity of her actions thus far. If she wanted him to change his perception of her she had to _show_ him who she was, not wait around for it to suddenly smack him across the forehead. But she didn't know _how_ to show him and if it'd do any good at all.

She knew seduction and that was what she was supposed to be doing anyway. A seduction. And wasn't it going wonderfully? She'd failed in her assessment and the only preparations she'd done were for a lifetime of loneliness.

She sighed. Thinking about her dire future would do absolutely nothing to help diffuse the aftermath of the most horrifying moment of her life. Shikamaru was still staring at the door, looking like he wanted nothing more than to learn some sort of body-swap jutsu so someone else could deal with this problem.

The problem was three-fold.

One: His mother was about to tell her parents that she and Shikamaru were having sex. It's not that she didn't mind the idea of she and Shikamaru having sex (actually, she welcomed it with open arms…or open legs, as the case may be), it was just that she didn't want their parents talking about them having sex. She didn't want them even _thinking_ about them having sex! And she most certainly didn't want them _rejoicing_ because they were (supposedly) having sex! It was just too weird on so many levels.

Two: They had almost kissed. It was most definitely the elephant in the room. She figured Shikamaru would probably ignore it and pretend nothing had happened because that's just what Shikamaru did. He probably thought it the least troublesome strategy. Thing is, she didn't really want to be the one to bring it up either because what if she was wrong?

Three: She was still in his shirt. It seemed to be the smallest part of the massive problem that was their existence but it was an annoyingly recurring problem that seemed to accomplish nothing but make all the other parts of the problem seem that much worse. She felt like as soon as she got out of this damn shirt everything would start to return to some semblance of normality.

Then Shikamaru turned to her. Her heart raced in anticipation.

What was he going to say? "Sorry my mother is such a nutcase"? "I don't think you're a whore"? "You look so damn sexy in my shirt"? "She said let's continue where we left off, so why don't we"? "I almost kissed you because I love you"?

All were acceptable options. None were ones he chose.

"So I'm pretty sure your nose is okay."

* * *

In hindsight, bringing up her nose again _probably_ hadn't been the smartest move. It just made her remember that he'd been the one to hurt her nose in the first place. Also, her nose had become the reminder of what had almost transpired between them, which was something he was trying to forget or block out at the very least.

He wasn't stupid, despite the string of stupid mistakes he'd made throughout the day. He _knew_ that he was about to kiss her and he _knew_ she was about to let him. But he didn't know what that meant exactly. Sure, he knew what it meant for him. Kissing her was pretty much at the top of his list of Things I'd Really Like To Do But Probably Never Will, along with other impossible things like turning into a cloud and floating away. Kissing her was his number one unfulfilled fantasy. So yeah, he knew why he wanted to kiss her. What he didn't know, however, was why she'd ever let him.

Part of him hoped that perhaps it was because she felt something for him too. She didn't have to love him, nothing so far fetched. He just wanted something, _anything_ that gave him some small modicum of hope that maybe he had a chance with her. The best part was it would not be an illogical conclusion. When one kissed someone, or allowed themselves to be kissed, it most usually meant they wanted to kiss that person, either because they found them attractive or they had feelings for them. He'd happily take on either of those reasons if he was sure they were Ino's.

However, the reason he hadn't addressed the issue, the reason he never would unless she did, was because he didn't know if those were her reasons for allowing him to kiss her, even if the kiss hadn't actually happened. If it was any other girl but Ino, he would be going for it again because of how sure he'd be that it meant something. But for Ino, who kissed guys on a frequent basis, he couldn't be sure what her motives were. Kissing was obviously nothing more to her than a pleasurable pastime, one that had no particular meaning. She had no qualms about kissing a guy just because she thought he was hot, not because she had any depth of feeling for him. Sometimes she didn't know their names.

He loved Ino, obviously. He knew there was so much more to her than what people perceived her to be, what she led everyone else to believe. He thought he might be the only one who saw through her. But that didn't mean there wasn't some truth to the rumours. He'd seen her hook up or leave with too many guys than he cared to remember over the past four years. He wasn't naïve. He knew what happened when a girl left with a guy. So he made it his policy to believe only what he saw with his own eyes…but unfortunately, he saw a lot, which meant her reasons for letting him almost kiss her were a mystery.

She could just have been going along with the moment. They were standing so close, his hands on her face and she would have been able to tell what he was about to do. She might have just thought "why not?"

Why not, indeed.

So he remained silent. If it meant enough to her that she wanted to talk about it, he'd talk about it. He figured if she just ignored the issue, it meant she wanted to forget it and who was he to prevent that from happening?

So he'd said the one thing he thought would distract them from their almost-kiss and hopefully (but doubtfully) erase the memory of the moments following it. Obviously it was the wrong thing to say because she'd given him a look so hostile he wouldn't be surprised if he found out she'd been getting lessons from his mother.

But look was all she'd done. She hadn't berated him, yelled at him or beaten him in any way. She'd just seemed devoid of energy, supported by her next words: "I want to go home."

He wasn't surprised she wanted to leave. He sure wanted to leave and would have done so a long time ago had it not been his room and had she not been standing in it…still in his shirt, no less.

That shirt was becoming a bit of a problem. Her clothes were still a wet heap on the floor and he couldn't very well expect her to walk through the streets in nothing but the shirt.

She'd obviously realised the same problem as she'd looked down at her attire and then longingly at the clothes on the floor.

"I'll just put my shorts on so it's not like I have nothing but underwear under this thing," She'd said, unwittingly causing him to conjure up multiple appealing images in his brain, none of which he had any intention of blocking.

"Whatever," was about all he could manage with all that going on in his brain.

"I'll wash it and give it back to you as soon as I can," She'd continued, perhaps surprised by his easy agreement.

"Yeah."

Then there'd been an awkward pause, like there hadn't been enough of _those_ already.

She'd looked embarrassed, which was, strangely, becoming an expression he was getting accustomed to seeing on her now.

"You'll…uh…you'll have to turn around as I put these on."

_Oh. Oh. _

Needless to say he turned around quick fast, but not without his mind returning to those same scintillating mental images. It was amazing that his body could arouse the adequate feelings of desire after having been plunged into the equivalent of cold ice that was his mother.

"I'm finished."

He turned around with the vain hope that perhaps she was lying and was actually halfway through putting her shorts on, which was obviously absurd. Why would she do that? The knowledge didn't make a spot of difference, though. His brain was just full of stupid thoughts today, why stop now?

So there she was, fully dressed. At least he assumed so. He couldn't actually see the shorts under the shirt, but the knowledge that they were there made a startling difference to his composure. However, it couldn't have made _that_ much of a difference because he still heard himself say:

"I'll walk you home."

* * *

Did he just ask to walk her home? After this whole embarrassing, humiliating, life-destroying debacle, he wanted to prolong the torture by _walking her home_? Was he _completely_ insane?

"Okay."

_Did I just say that?_

She noted the open shock that Shikamaru had adopted as his latest expression.

_Yep, I just said that. Damn._

"Right," Shikamaru replied in a tone that obviously implied that he acutely wished she hadn't responded positively to his question.

Had he only asked her to be polite, assuming that the polite thing to do after a girl had been unconscious in your bedroom, dressed in your shirt, almost kissed, interrupted and insulted by your mother was to walk her home? If it had stemmed from pure politeness and no real desire to walk her home, should she have noted this and responded with a firm "No, I'm fine, thank you"?

Ino stopped herself when she realised what she was doing. She was thinking about a single question he had posed. Not only was she thinking, she was _analysing_. No other action was so proficient at causing female romantic downfalls as _analysing_. It was a major taboo in her _Rulebook_ and there she was, the author supreme, committing that most abominable act.

There existed two reasons females fail at seduction. One: they're ugly. Two: _analysing_. _Analysing_ made women think too hard and too much about their subject's words and actions, inevitably deciphering them incorrectly, which in turn caused them to respond incorrectly and therefore bring the whole seduction attempt crashing down in a blaze of humiliation and, often, tears (usually of humiliation).

This most deplorable of fates had happened to her once and she swore it never would again. _She_ was the one who dictated the terms of the game so _she_ was the one who came out the victor, with her subject completely under her thumb and delighted to be there. The only way that could be accomplished was by keeping a cool head and not allowing herself to get too involved in the game. As soon as emotion or ambition or desire became too prominent in her decisions, the _analysing_ began and all was lost from there. So she'd learned to recognise the signs of _analysing_ and stop them before the game was lost.

She'd just recognised them now. Sure, one could argue that the hope of her conducting a successful seduction against Shikamaru was dwindling with every second that passed, and one would be correct in that argument. However, as soon as the _analysing_ began all hope, no matter how little left, would disappear in a puff of smoke and stupid reactions.

So it didn't matter _why_ Shikamaru had offered to walk her home. He had, so he would. She'd just have to salvage the situation as best she could.

* * *

It was only five minutes later when they were halfway to Ino's house that Shikamaru accepted that he was not going to get out of walking her home. That was five minutes of awkward silence and painful hope that he'd be relieved from said silence because Ino also found the awkward silence painful and said something relieving like "You've come far enough. Thank you" or even just "Go away" (wouldn't have been the first time).

But no. Here he was. Walking. Down a street. With Ino. And it was still awkward.

He had to say something. He'd been thinking (desperately hoping) that she'd be the one to say something, _anything_, but alas, she'd been silent since she'd said "Let's go" those long five minutes ago. Now that he thought about it he didn't remember ever hearing her be this silent for so long.

He thought about that for a moment.

_Hearing her be silent? Does that make grammatical sense? Should I be worried, both that I cannot use sentence structure properly and that she's silent?_

He thought about that for a moment.

_Perhaps I should just say something. Then I won't have to think about my incorrect sentence structure or her silence. I should probably say something that won't piss her off though._

"I'm sorry about my mother."

He wasn't sure if that would come under the category of Things That Won't Piss Ino Off, but there was an alarmingly short list in that category so he took a blind shot.

Instead of turning to him with murder in her eyes (that had happened with distressing regularity since he'd been born), she simply looked to the ground and replied, with a sad smile on her face, "You mean when she basically called me a whore?"

Okay, he was definitely not smart enough to answer that question in a way that wouldn't grievously insult her. He didn't think _any_ guy was smart enough to formulate a neutral response to that. However, if he stayed silent too long whilst trying to magically conjure this illusive response in his frantically active brain, she'd take it as confirmation that he agreed with his mother's assessment of her. Which he didn't. Not even close.

"Yeah, that would cover it," He looked over at her and immediately wished he hadn't. She wasn't made to look so sad. "I don't agree, though."

She laughed, but it wasn't the happy, musical, so-gorgeous-it-crushes-my-heart laugh that he was used to. It was harsh, and bitter, and all the things he didn't want her to be.

"Of course not, because I'm not a whore. If I were I'd be getting paid for all my various and numerous exploits. I'd be a rich woman, because I'm such a slut."

His eyes shot to her in disbelief. He'd heard her refer to herself as a slut, as The Slut, plenty of times. But she was always joking; always laughing as she said it in response to some ridiculous rumour she'd heard about herself. But now…now she was serious. There was no laughter, no hint that she didn't mean what she just said.

And he didn't know what to say. This was worse than being outnumbered on the battlefield with no strategy in play. If only love were as easy to navigate as a shoji board he'd know how to comfort her.

It wasn't that he didn't know how to comfort people. He had to comfort his mother on a regular basis, assure her that he wasn't going to die an early death. But that was easy. All he had to do was remind her that he was far too lazy to put himself in life-or-death situations, which was most often the truth bar a few exceptional circumstances like his friends dying and other such annoyances.

He had been comforting Chouji since he was a child as well. Chouji had many issues of which Shikamaru had to help him through: abandonment, identity, body, self-esteem, and so on. He wasn't a wreck, just a normal teenage guy that wasn't content with himself sometimes. However, comforting Chouji wasn't so hard either since he'd gotten the knack for it. Abandonment? Hang out with him for a week flat, not saying anything, just proving he'd always be there. Identity? Challenging him to a fight and letting Chouji roll over him a few times to prove his worth as a shinobi. Those were painful and didn't happen often, for which he was most grateful. Body? Self-esteem? Take him to the all-you-can-eat barbeque and remind him how much better food was than being skinny. Those times were usually a blow to the pocket, but what were friends for if not to blow outrageous amounts of money on food?

Now he found himself faced with a situation in which Ino needed comfort and he didn't know what to do because she'd never needed comfort before; at least not from him. In every circumstance she was always so strong and unbreakable. Some things people said about her would send weaker people hiding out in their rooms refusing to be seen in public again. Not Ino. She'd be back out with a vengeance the very next day, determined to prove the naysayers wrong, or, even more remarkably, do exactly what they'd accused her of doing to prove she didn't care.

All he could think to do was tell her the truth; tell her that he didn't believe all he heard about her and all she made people see. That perhaps he was naïve, but he saw an emotional fragility in her that wouldn't allow her to do some of the things people accused her of, things she claimed to do.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off.

"I don't want you to think I blame your mother for thinking what she does, or even saying it. I also don't want you to think that I pity myself, nor do I want you to pity me. I made myself who I am, and I take responsibility for it. I just…"

She hung her head down again, blinking rapidly, her fists clenching in his shirt that she wore. He wanted to do nothing more than hold her, but he waited. She wasn't finished yet and he desperately wanted to hear what she had to say next. She'd never been so candid, so open, so honest with him before. She was trusting him with something she'd never told anyone else before, trusting him to take it and not use it against her.

"Sometimes I can't help but wish that someone could see me for who I really am, behind everything I make people believe."

He sensed this was his moment. This was the perfect time for him to grab her, say something ridiculously romantic like "Ino, I see the real you" whilst looking deep into her eyes (proving both physically and metaphorically that he can indeed see her). Then she'd undoubtedly fall madly in love with him for being so sensitive and understanding. Then they would actually continue what started in his bedroom, right there in front her house, and then…well, he wasn't actually sure what would happen after that. Anything else would be a bit of an anticlimax, really. They could kiss some more. He'd like that.

However, the moment passed and he was abruptly wrenched from his somewhat silly fantasies with:

"I'm a virgin."

* * *

She'd done it again. She'd said something she'd previously had absolutely no intention of ever saying out loud, in public, to Shikamaru, to _anyone_, ever.

She continued walking for a few more paces, revelling in her stupidity and humiliation, before she realised he wasn't beside her any longer. Looking back confirmed what she suspected might have happened. He was frozen, mid step, a look of immense stupor on his face as he stared directionless into the space before him.

It was an understandable reaction, she supposed, so she wouldn't get mad at him for keeping her waiting, which was awfully generous of her she thought. She'd even take it a step further and wait for what she said to catch up to him. Observing the range of emotions his otherwise emotionless face would inevitably display was sure to be somewhat entertaining.

There was shock, disbelief (she'd been expecting that one), replaced by shock again, surprise, confusion, shock again, understanding, belief and…was that _pleasure_? Surely she must have read him wrong, but she was _damned_ good at reading emotions. It was a part of her craft. So why would Shikamaru be pleased she was a virgin? Why would it matter to him either way?

Before she could think on that puzzle further, Shikamaru's body finally caught up with his brain (it was a common problem with him) and he made his way to her side. He still looked shocked, but there was something almost peaceful about him.

That made her mad. How _dare_ he be peaceful when she'd just dropped the biggest secret of her _entire existence_ out into the open air like that? How _dare_ he be so serene when she'd just opened herself wide for him (no innuendo intended), allowing him to see inside the very depths of her (repeat previous thought)?

"That was unexpected," He stated once he reached her.

"Yes, I gathered that from the way you suddenly froze," She replied.

He nodded, "I supposed freezing mid step is one way to convey surprise."

"As is this," Ino did her best to imitate the range of emotions that had crossed his face, minus the last one. She didn't want him to know she saw that because she hadn't yet figured out what it meant.

Shikamaru grimaced, "I did that, did I?"

Ino smiled with glee at his discomfort, "Yep."

"How troublesome," He sighed.

And then there was silence. Again. She almost groaned in frustration. If he didn't say something she was going to say something and it'd probably be another revelatory statement. At the rate she was going today, there'd be none left to expose and she liked her revelations, especially when they weren't being revealed.

She'd kept her silence for a whole five minutes earlier. It was deliberate, of course. The plan had been to goad him into speech by making the silence as awkward as possible. That part of the plan had worked brilliantly. What he had decided to say, however, was not expected and therefore her response had been wrought from raw emotion.

So it was a bit of risk waiting for Shikamaru to be the one to break the silence, since it hadn't gone so well the first two times, but Ino was grasped by a desperate need to hear what he had to say about what she'd told him. Judging by the wide array of somewhat unexpected emotions that had crossed his face, he had to have _some _feelings about it. This was the man she _loved_, the man she wanted to see her more than anyone else, and she'd just gone and forced him to do just that. Her desire to know what he did see was almost a physical need. It was almost painful. It was-

"Well, I managed to walk you home."

* * *

Shikamaru sensed that he'd said the wrong thing. Again. It could have been the familiar murderous gleam in Ino's eyes that clued him in, or perhaps the way she clenched her fists at her sides as if she was about to hit him. It could also have been the clenched jaw, the stiff back, or her increasingly red face. He expected steam to make an appearance any moment now.

In hindsight, perhaps it would have been a good idea to spend a little longer thinking about what he should say. It was now obvious that she'd been expecting something somewhat emotional, or at the very least profound, in response to what she'd just told him.

He sensed he'd missed another opportune moment to make her fall in love with him by saying something ridiculously suave, like "You're still a virgin? Allow me to help you with that." After which she would inevitably become weak at the knees as she gazed up at him in adoration and lust and invite him to her bedroom where they would proceed to shed her of said virginity. It was probably one of the best ideas he'd ever had.

Then again, they _were_ at her home and he _had_ walked her there, regardless of what happened during the walking. Sure, now _may_ not have been the best moment to state the obvious, but if she'd wanted something in particularly said, she could have said it herself.

Even now he had no _idea_ what he was supposed to say. He'd never met another person so capable of making him completely stupid. How was he _supposed_ to react when she done the unthinkable: given him hope.

He knew some girls didn't think much of virginity. He understood their reasoning. If they'd done everything else, what difference does a penis make? Physically, they're on the right track. Fingers, fist, penis – they all accomplish the same thing. Emotionally, mentally, they're wrong. Sex was about more than a good time and sticking a penis in a vagina. Bodies were _made_ to have a penis in a vagina. It is the closest someone could physically get to someone else. It is a natural human inclination to want to be that close to someone, so close they're literally _inside_ someone else.

All this time, he had thought that someone else had been the first one to experience that level of physical, emotional and mental closeness to the woman he loved. At first, it was hard to function from thinking about it, about all the guys that had been there since, about all the guys that would be there, inside her, close to her, when he would never be.

He realised that just because she was a virgin by no means indicated that she wanted to lose it to him, but it did mean he still had a chance to be the first one, the only one, who would know her that way, that intensely. He wasn't stupid. He knew it'd never happen, but hope had the ability to wipe all intelligence away.

It didn't matter that there was a good chance she'd done everything else. He just wanted this last part of her for himself, a part of her no one else could have. It wasn't because sex was good, even though he wanted her _badly_, it was because he _loved_ her and love simultaneously made him selfless and selfish.

So how was he supposed to respond to that?

"That's all you have to say when I just told you the _biggest_ secret I have, which I have told _no one_ else?"

And how was he supposed to respond to _that_?

This was _so_ troublesome.

"Ino," he groaned as he rubbed a hand over his face in exhaustion. "I don't know what to say. What do you want me to say?"

She clenched her fists harder, "I want you to know what I want you to say."

He rubbed two hands over his face, "That's ridiculous. How am I supposed to know that?"

"Argh, I don't know!" She ground out between clenched teeth, "You tell me! You're the genius!"

"That doesn't even make sense. You're being completely illogical."

"Screw you and your logic! You're being completely stupid!"

He frowned at her, "Not as stupid as you."

She scoffed, "Oh, that's mature."

Then it seemed all the anger just left her as she exhaled. She hugged herself, looked up at him, and looked down again as if she was afraid of what she might see on his face when he looked at her.

"Just…please, just tell me what you think."

Shikamaru was startled at the vulnerability she was displaying. He knew with a certainty that this time he couldn't answer by changing the subject or his usual "I don't know." He realised she had opened herself, her real self, up to him, not knowing he had been able to see it anyway and was terrified that he was going to reject her. As if he ever could.

But she didn't know that.

* * *

How did she get herself in this position? All she wanted was for him to answer her question properly _without_ her having to tell him what to say so then she wouldn't have to be the one putting herself in the way of rejection, so he would volunteer the information she craved, so she could keep what little dignity she had left by not having to ask him to tell her what he thought of her now.

It hadn't worked. She should've known he'd be too obtuse for such a simple request. She should've just left it, recognised a lost cause when it was staring at her insufferably with an insufferably bored expression on its insufferable face, and gone away. Given up.

She couldn't. She _loved_ him and she had to know what he thought of her now. So she'd laid all dignity aside and asked.

He was taking his time, but somehow she didn't mind. It was a sign that he was taking her request seriously, that he wasn't going to push it aside by changing the subject or replying with his usual "I don't know." That had to mean something, right? If he were disgusted, or _whatever,_ by her he wouldn't bother to stick around, right?

_And there I go _analysing_ again. _Disgusting.

"What?"

"What?"

"Did you just say something?"

Did she? "No, don't be stupid."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. She _hated_ it when he did that.

"It sounded like you said 'disgusting.'"

"Well, I didn't," She retorted as she flicked her hair over her shoulder. Supreme gestures of superiority usually end the argument.

"No, you definitely said 'disgusting.' Your lips moved and everything."

Except for maybe this time. Shikamaru had never been one to appreciate and/or recognise such gestures.

"Well, if I did I didn't mean to and it must have been a subconscious reaction to your face."

"Oh. Okay then," Shikamaru replied neutrally.

_Damn him._

"Go on then."

"Go where?"

"Nowhere!"

"Then why'd you tell me to go?"

"I didn't mean _leave_, I meant go on then _and tell me what you think_!"

"Then why didn't you just say that and save us a lot of time."

"_Because_ that part of the sentence was meant to be unspoken."

"If it's unspoken, then how the hell am I supposed to hear it?"

"You're not meant to _hear_ it, you're meant to _understand_ it."

"You're not making sense again."

"I'm making perfect sense. You're just being stupid."

"If I'm being stupid, it's because you're being ridiculous."

"_I'm_ being ridiculous! Well, you're just-"

"Shut up."

Before she could understand what was happening, she felt herself being pulled off balance in a general forwards direction until she was stopped by a large solid mass (nice and firm, she noted) that had solid appendages that wrapped around her. Only one thought occurred.

_Shikamaru is hugging me._

And for the first time in a long time (possibly since she'd come screaming out of her mother's womb), she was completely and utterly speechless.

* * *

**A/N: I know, I know. It's unbelievably cruel of me to leave you on a cliffhanger like that! Please don't be so mad at me that you won't review, though, even if it's just to say I HATE YOU! Perfectly understandable. I'm just a little curious to see if I've still got any writing skills left after such a long absence ;) **

**Til next time...whenever that time will be.**


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